The Adventures of Runnergirl

The End of an Era

2007-09-04T13:02:00.000-05:00

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have
ended up where I intended to be. ~ Douglas Adams

When I set out on the journey that led me to start this blog, I had expectations of where I was going and why. I knew what things I wanted to get from running, and felt confident that I would obtain them.

Boy was I in for a shock!

Not only did I never make it to my marathon, but the process was nothing like what I was expecting. The wealth of things that I learned about myself was unfathomable, and I got what I wanted out of the experiencing without ever reaching my perceived end point and goal.

I have learned several invaluable lessons along my journey and gotten to know myself better than I ever could have imagined.

But, after many months of soul searching, it saddens me to report that this will be my last blog post. I haven't trained for a race in well over a year. It's been a year and a half since my knee started bothering me, with no real relief in sight. And the farther away from it I get, the less I miss it.

I just don't feel like runnergirl any more.

I do miss the competition of the races. The competition with myself, that is. I miss pushing myself to get better and be better. Not just physically, but mentally as well. So, maybe one day I'll decide to take up swimming or biking.

But not now.

Now...

I'm going to start directing my energy in other directions. I used to really enjoy lifting weights at the gym, but I didn't have enough time to keep up with it and run too. So I gave it up a few years ago in lieu of running. So, my plan is to get back into that as soon as I make a firm decision on which gym I want to join.

It has been great spending an hour every weekday morning walking and talking with my mom. Which is another thing that I had given up doing in order to train for long distance races.

One of the best things to come of my journey is that I have gained a great love and appreciation for blogging, and I have every intention of continuing with it. I just feel like I need a fresh start in a new blog, where I don't feel the pressure of writing about running because that is what my reader base is expecting. I want a new forum, where I can babble about my life and the people in it without feeling like I am boring people to tears because they are expecting something running related.

So, from now on I'll be hanging out here. Stop on by and say hello!!

Happy Running to everyone! And I'll still be lurking here and there on your blogs.

~ Runnergirl Out!

Back Among the Land of the Blogging

2007-08-14T01:54:00.000-05:00

Right. So... I'm back.

And No, I don't want to talk about it.

My head is screwed back firmly in place, and all is well in my world once again.

So, let's recap:

In the past month and a half since my last real post, I've...

joined Weight Watchers and lost 8 lbs.

I'm seriously ecstatic about this. Last week, I put on a pair of pants for the first time in 2 years. I was jumping around like a freshman that just got invited to the senior prom. It was like someone just told me I'd won the lottery.

Seriously ecstatic!

Or Mentally Deranged.

I have no weight goal beyond fitting back into two dresses that I have hanging in my closet. So, whenever I hit the happy number that allows me to put on those dresses and zip, sit, and breathe all at the same time, I'll call it a done deal.

walked what feels like a million miles.

My mom and I are still doing our morning walks whenever she is in town, which has been great.

faced the fact that I seriously need to rejoin a gym.

But, so far no decision has been made as to which gym. I think I know. But, I'm not quite ready to commit. For now, I'm just enjoying the decent weather. And maybe in a month or so, I might join. I'm thinking that a gym membership might be a great thing to ask for as a birthday gift. *hint, hint*

stopped being in denial about my knee.

I've finally faced the fact that my knee just plain hurts most of the time, and refraining from running has done nothing to actually help it. So, I've made an appointment for next week with my primary doctor to get a referral to a specialist. I think my running days are probably over for good. But it would be great if I could actually walk or bike (or maybe just stand!!) without pain.

survived my boyfriend living with me.

My boyfriend "moved in" with me in the middle of May for a little test run. We're trying the situation on for size.

But, as is par for the course, we've made no decisions.

But we haven't killed each other, and are celebrating our 3 year dating anniversary today. So, something must be going right. We're just taking it one day at a time for now. And eventually (translated - years from now), maybe we'll move this thing forward.

Or maybe he'll just go back to his house and we'll drive across town for the rest of our lives.

Either way, I've come to terms with it and I'm OK with whatever happens.

gotten insanely busy at work.

It's back to school time, so all the kids need their eyes checked. Which means I've turned into a walking zombie from being so busy for the past 3 weeks.

spent a fortune.

Since my basement is almost a done deal!! I bought my bar, ordered my counter top, got the carpet replaced (finally!!). So, in a matter of weeks it should no longer be a construction zone.

And, faithful reader, I do believe that has you caught up with the world of runnergirl. Thanks for staying tuned!

Blogging Hiatus

2007-07-11T15:34:00.001-05:00

I'm going to fall off the face of the earth for a bit.

But, never fear, I'll be back. I promise!

I just have too much swirling through my head right now to form coherent thoughts, now yet actually get anything down in written form. I really have no desire to even try.

For now, I'm just going to let it all spin around in there, and when I get it all sorted out I'll be back in full force.

Happy running, walking, swimming, biking, and blogging to all you awesome people out there in blog land!

Freedom

2007-07-02T17:59:00.000-05:00

Between now and next week I only have to work Tuesday morning and Saturday morning.

My parents and my boyfriend are out of town for the week.

Whatever will I do with all my free time?

Go for a run, perhaps?

Gut Check

2007-06-30T15:47:00.000-05:00

There are moments in life that stop you in your tracks. Make you look around at your life. At where you have been. At where you are. At where you are going.

And make you evaluate if it's where you want to be.

Sometimes it's an unfortunately event... a life altering accident, a death. Sometimes it's a happy one... a birth, a marriage, a new job.

Sometimes it's so strange that you don't even know how to classify it.

My gut check event has left me feeling turned inside out and upside down and I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. It isn't leaving me feeling happy or sad. It really doesn't have me upset or confused. I suppose it has me startled and a little surprised. Mostly my reaction is holy $*#&! How did that happen so fast?

But the thing is that it really isn't fast if I stop to think about it. It's been 3 years and 3 months.

If it is what he wants and if it will make him happy, then I'm happy for him. I hold no feelings of ill will toward him and wish him the best.

But holy $*#&! How did that happen so fast?

My ex-husband is getting remarried!!!

We had the most amicable divorce of anyone I know. Everyone jokes that we should write a book on how to get divorced. We've stayed friends. We keep in touch a few times a year. I think we still actually like and respect each other.

I feel like someone has pulled a rug out from under me. I'm happier with my life than I've ever been. I love my job, my home, my friends, my family, my boyfriend.

But I'd already been starting to wonder if it's all really enough, and here comes this to turn me upside down really make me think about things.

When I got divorced, I swore that I'd never get remarried. I'm a spoiled brat only child that likes things my way, combined with a total neat freak/ borderline OCD personality. I truly believed that living alone was the only way that I would be able to maintain my sanity and happiness in life.

And it has been working.

But recently, I've starting missing things that you can only have if you live with another person... sharing the chores and responsibilities, eating meals together, talking about your day when you get home, taking a walk after dinner. The little things.

I've always been 100% adamant that I was never having children, but as I near closer and closer to mother nature removing that as a possibility I find myself pondering over the possibility. I don't want the decision to be dictated because I waited until it was too late to think about it. I change my mind a few times a day, on if it is a good idea or not, but I am at least thinking about it!

SO...

where does that leave me?

It leaves me a confused mess, full of fears, doubts and questions. And for the past 3 years, I just so happen to have been dating the most wonderful guy in the world equally full of a different set of fears, doubts, and questions.

We are the biggest commitment phobes on the planet...

I think someone needs to beat some sense into one, or maybe both, of us!

Racking Up the Miles

2007-06-27T08:33:00.001-05:00

My mom and I have walked 65 miles this month, and biked about 10. Wow!

My mom will be out of town for the next few weeks, so my goal is to try to get a few runs in and test out the various aches and pains. We'll see how it goes.

Wish me luck!

Light at the End of the Tunnel?

2007-06-25T17:00:00.000-05:00

Well, an end might be in sight to this nightmare. I came home to a message from the carpet company that my replacement carpet is FINALLY here (it only took 5 weeks!) and to call them to schedule installation.

Still no word on if they are going to pay for the damage to the woodwork, but one step at a time.

I can't wait to finally have this dealt with. I started the project of finishing my basement in November 2005. My dad did most of the work himself during the winters. So, it took a while for him to complete, plus it was easier on the pocket book to spread out the cost.

But, enough is enough, and this should have been done two months ago. I was going to get the carpet laid, buy a bar, order a counter top for some cabinets that I put in, and it would be a done deal.

Instead I've been waiting for 2 1/2 months for the carpet company to deal with the disaster they created when they installed the carpet.

I feel like I'm going to lose my mind shortly due to the enormous mess my basement is in!

See...

Do you see that little tiny space between the white thing on the left (which is the fridge that belongs in my bar area) and that red and green container? Yeah. Well, I have to squeeze through there to get into the storage area of my basement to get to all of the stuff that is housed down there. And, it's been like that since about Christmas.

Junk!

Junk!

And More Junk!!

I am quite certain that I have undiagnosed borderline OCD. It's a joke among my friends how anal retentive I am, and how nothing is ever out of place at my house, and you can eat off my floor. I don't know about the eating off the floor part, but the rest really is true for the most part, unless I get really busy and it all temporary falls apart.

My OCD even comes complete with irrational behaviors that I recognize as irrational, but still must do. For example, I can't stand it when any of my bathroom garbage cans have stuff in them. I empty them twice every single day, and if I just emptied one and need to throw something away I will walk to another room to throw it away or flush it down the toilet if it is a Kleenex.

Scary, huh?!?!

And the fact that this room has more or less been a complete disaster for the past year has just about driven me to the brink of insanity. So, on Thursday I decided I'd had enough. I was tired of waiting for the carpet people to get on the ball. So, I took everything out of the room, and began reorganizing. I worked on in for two days and got it 3/4 of the way done, but I still have a lot left to do.

And just where is the rest of the stuff that needs to go back in the storage room?

Yep, you guessed it!

Scattered all over the carpet that they need to replace.

Great!

So, I now need to spend every waking second the rest of the week finishing up, or I need to shove it all back in there, only to drag it back out and finish after the new carpet is in.

Oy!

But, on a happy note my bathroom is finally 100% finished!

I've getting mixed responses from the people I've shown it to. There's no riding the fence on this one... I think you either love it or hate it!

Luckily, I love it!

Here are pics...

And for anyone that is interested and missed it, here are pics of my running room, where my treadmill will eventually go.

So, wish me luck on a getting my disaster cleaned up in time for the carpet to be replaced, and keep your fingers crossed that all is sucessful this time around!

A Big Thanks!

2007-06-24T11:56:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to say thanks to Liz, Lisa, and anyone else that sent a letter for helping me out with this .

Matthew ended up getting over 60 pieces of mail - I didn't get an exact count from him mom.

Unfortunately his doctors said his counts were too low to risk going in the lake, so he didn't get tossed in. Instead it sounds like he got to pick someone else to take his dunkings for him, so I'm sure some of the staff at the camp weren't too happy that Matthew is so popular!

So, thanks again for helping me!

Not Feeling Like Yourself?

2007-06-22T09:36:00.001-05:00

So, I am totally bored and avoiding chores...

Apparently these stars were having bad days!

Jenna Elfman only looks 90% like herself...

Meg Ryan, only 86%...

And Faith Hill must have been having a really bad day, because a picture of her didn't even come up in the matches! (But Jenna Elfman had a match of 78%!)

Apparently, my cat resembles Ashton Kutcher - no wonder I think he's so cute!

And since I've drawn out the suspense long enough, here's mine...

Would Ya Look At That!

2007-06-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

I have a pretty new banner!

Designed especially for me by my boyfriend, the computer guru extraordinaire.

A few days ago he was enhancing a picture in photo shop to put on his myspace page, and I just happened to mention that he should make me a banner for my blog. I didn't really ask him to, although I have thought about it several times in the past. And I certainly wasn't expecting him to actually do it.

I wasn't even sure he was listening to me!

But apparently he heard me loud and clear, because with no more discussion he sent me a few samples of what he had come up with this afternoon. I had him make a few very minor changes, but I love what he designed!

If ever a picture could capture the essence of some one's soul, then this one does mine. It amazes me that I gave him absolutely no input on what I wanted it to look like, yet he couldn't have done a better job of representing who I am if I had directed him every step of the way.

He's amazingly sweet, incredibly smart...
and cute, too, don't cha think?

Something Had To Give

2007-06-20T16:58:00.000-05:00

Those readers that have been around for a while know that I love Jayhawk. I might even have a crush on her because she's just so darn cute with her new hair.

Some of her writing hits me so hard it about knocks me off my feet. Sometimes I think we are long lost running soul mates separated at birth. Today's post is inspired by her most recent one.

I could have written it myself.

In fact, I pretty much did.

Then a few months went by and things got a little more under control, and I was feeling better but not great about the state of things, and I was considering giving up my blogging.

Luckily, I decided that I enjoyed it too much and decided to stick around.

So, here I am blogging, but I'm not running.

Instead I'm just boring everyone with my ramblings.

Something just had to give or I was going to require a straight jacket and a padded room.

So, the running gave. And right now, I'm honestly ok with that. I miss it. I watch the other runners that I drive by every morning and feel a little pang of jealousy and regret.

But the relief I feel to not be training in this heat, and to not be in constant pain far out weighs any negatives. And I still haven't made any final decisions about the future. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

And until I decide to wrap my mind around my running future, I've been walking like a mad woman. I think my mom and I have logged about 50 miles walking and 10 miles biking since June 1st. So, even though I'm not running I haven't turned in to a couch potato.

Yet.

In addition to the running, there was something else that had to give. Something that I used to do a lot of, and no longer have been doing.

Some of you may have noticed that I have been MIA in the comment sections of your blogs.

In order to make time for my own blogging, I decided that I needed to cut back on some of the things I was doing that were taking up my time. And going to each individual blog, reading each post and leaving a comment for the 40 odd blogs I follow was just too much.

So, now I read them all in bloglines and rarely leave comments. It is a source of guilt for me, and I would like to eventually get back to leaving more comments. But I can only do what I can do. And when I dropped all those balls back in January, there were a few of them that I never picked back up. But I know they're still there waiting on me. And one day I'll get back to them.

In the mean time, I just wanted all of you wonderful and inspiring bloggers out there to know that I'm still reading!

I've just turned into a lurker.

Crunch Time

2007-06-19T16:39:00.000-05:00

A while ago I was talking about needing to make a decision about my gym membership. The time is quickly approaching for me to finalize that decision and I'm still in limbo! I have until the end of the month to renew my membership if I am going to do so.

The gym has a deal to keep you paying every year by offering a discounted yearly membership after your first two years. I can basically renew my memberships for just under $100. That's a darn good deal, and hard to turn down. But at the same time, I don't think I've set foot in the place in the last 6 months!

I joined the gym two years ago because it was where my boyfriend goes, and I though maybe I'd go with him. It just really didn't happen though. We live and work on opposite sides of town, and we have different schedules. I wanted to go in the morning since I don't go in to work until 9:00, but he starts work at 7:30. He got off at 4:00 and wanted to go after work, but I didn't get off until 7:30 or 5:30 depending on the day. So, it was very inconvenient for one or both of us to try to go together, and it just didn't seem worth the 40 minute round trip drive to go by myself.

I feel guilty to give up the membership. Which is extremely stupid! I'm not going anyway, and at least by not renewing I'll be saving some money. But I still feel guilty. I guess I know I should be going and if I still have a membership I can fool myself into thinking that I will go. Without the membership I can't hold onto that little falsity that I keep telling myself.

What I'd like to do is join one of the two gyms near my house and start going in the mornings with my mom. But I'd have to get my mom to agree to join with me, and I'd be spending a fortune as the last time I checked the membership fees were $35 or $40 a month. Yikes.

Mostly I miss having an indoor track to walk and run on, having the weight machines readily available, and being able to attend the classes. Of course, if I join the Y that is right across the street, yoga isn't one of the classes included in the general membership fees - you have to pay extra.

Maybe I should just continue taking my community sponsored yoga class and buy one of those all in one weight machines for my house! Every time I think I have made a decision, I change my mind.

Ugh!

A Simple Reminder

2007-06-18T20:50:00.000-05:00

On my way to work I have to drive by the walking/running path that I was talking about here. A portion of the track runs along the road and you can see the people on it while you drive by.

This morning on my way into work there was a little boy running on the path. He couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 and he was just running along, pumping his little arms. He was really moving. Probably could have given me a run for my money. It was the cutest thing.

I did find it alarming that there was no adult in sight and I'm seriously hoping that his parent was not too far behind him where the path veers off away from the road.

But, the sight of him running along made me smile. It reminded me of the pure joy that I find in my night running. Which I am itching to get back to now that summer is here. I've just been too darn busy lately!

Memories... Of The Way Life Used To Be

2007-06-15T07:19:00.000-05:00

I'm sure that many of you out there have received the following forwarded to you in an email at some point in the past.

YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL IN THE 70'S IF...

You wore a rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves, and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other.
You made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven and washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.
You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a stethoscope that actually worked.
You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it.
You learned to skate with actual skates (not roller blades) that had metal wheels.
You thought Gopher from Love Boat was cute (Admit it!)
You had nightmares after watching Fantasy Island.
You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.
You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie," not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill" because your Mom was sick of braiding your hair.
Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession.
You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers.
You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.
You had the Donnie and Marie dolls with those pink and purple satiny shredded outfits.
You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.
You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color.
You had a pair of Doctor Scholl's sandals (the ones with hard sole the buckle!). You also had a pair of Jellies.
You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture and you despised Nellie Olson!
You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink.
Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers" and you kept it "pretty" with the comb you kept in your back pocket.
You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry Muffin and Huckleberry Pie.
You carried a Muppets lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic.
You and your girlfriends would fight over which of the Dukes of Hazzard was your boyfriend.
Every now and then "It's a Hard Knock Life" from the movie, "Annie" will pop into your brain and you can't stop singing it the whole day.
You had Star Wars action figures, too!
It was a big event in your household each year when the "Wizard of Oz"would come on TV. Your mom would break out the popcorn and sleeping bags!
You often asked your Magic-8 ball the question: "Who will I marry Shaun Cassidy, Leif Garrett, or Rick Springfield?"
You completely wore out your Grease, Saturday Night Fever, and Fame soundtrack record album.
You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom.
You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts!
You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker.
You couldn't wait to get the free animal poster that came when you ordered books from the Weekly Reader book club. Double score if it was a teddy bear dressed in clothing.
You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)
You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics.
You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.
You wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.
You had a Big Wheel with a brake on the side, and a Sit-n-Spin.
You had subscriptions to Dynamite and Tiger Beat.
You spent all your allowance on smurfs and stickers for your sticker album!

The vast majority of those things describe my childhood, right down to the Little House on the Prairie inspired shirt!

Me: circa 1983, 4th Grade, complete with bad home perm and all! (Sorry about the bad resolution. It was the best I could do with scanning in a picture that is almost 25 years old.)

As we enter the lazy days of summer, I'm finding myself reflecting back on the summers of my childhood. Things were just different back then. All of my neighbors actually knew each other, and we used to celebrate the summer holidays with neighborhood parties and picnics. On the 4th of July a local fire truck used to lead all of the kids in the annual bike parade. We all decorated our bikes to the nines with colored streamers, and we all lined up behind the fire truck and pedaled our way around the subdivision while our parents took pictures and the neighbors watched and waved.

The subdivision that I lived in only had four streets that probably didn't total more than 2 miles of paved roads. Most of my summer days as a child were spent riding my bike along those streets, playing tag, simon says, red rover, kick ball, and so many other games with my friends.

As a child summers seemed to go on forever and ever. It seemed like the days themselves each lasted for a year. We'd get up and all gather at some one's house and play all morning. Usually the mom at which ever house we were at would feed us all lunch and we'd wander back out to play until we heard our mom call out our name to come in for dinner. Then after we ate we'd head right back out until we had to be back in at dark.

It felt like the fall would never come so we could go back to school and see our friends that lived too far away to see during the summer months.

It was a different time and things just moved at a slower pace back then. I truly feel sorry for the children of today that do not have the opportunity to live the kind of childhood I had. There is just something about the simple things in life that make you feel connected and rejuvenated.

So why exactly am I writing this post, beyond feeling a need to humiliate myself by sharing one of the worst photographs ever taken of me with the entire blogging world?

In part, I just feel like babbling. I probably have five blog entries swimming around in my head, but just haven't had the time or the inclination to sit down and type them out.

Most mostly the reason is because instead of our usual walk, my mom and I went for a bike ride this morning. Contrary to past grumblings, I really don't hate biking. And I do actually own a bike.

Riding along the quiet country roads this morning felt like reliving my carefree childhood days. It reminding me of the lazy summer days I used to spend riding up and down my neighborhood roads with my friends when I was a kid. It reminded me of the special day when each of us finally graduated from our kid bike, to a "grown up" 10 speed. What an occasion that was! You were queen for a day, the day you got your new 10 speed. Everyone would stand around oohing and ahhing over it, and of course we'd all ask to ride it. The owner would usually agree, but only after receiving a hundred promises that we'd be careful and not put any scratches in the shiny new paint.

Ahh.... the good ol days!

Here We Go Again

2007-06-13T16:20:00.000-05:00

Well, it is once again that time of year, when my favorite kid goes to camp!

If you have been following my blog since the beginning, you know that I ran with Team in Training in 2006. Matthew was my honored hero for my first event and a more awesome kid you will never find!!!

Here he is pictured with his family. Matthew is the third one in from the right side standing between his parents...

He was diagnosed with Leukemia when he was 8 years old. And he just celebrated his 15th birthday a few months ago. That's one heck of a long time to be undergoing chemo! But he deals with it like a champ and lives up to his motto, "NEVER GIVE UP!" every day of his life.

He is even dearer to my heart because he is a runner, too. And I often think about him running in track meets the day after chemo when I am out there wanting to quit on a long run. It helps to keep things in perspective for me.

Here he is in action...

Not a day goes by that this amazing kid doesn't stop me in my tracks. Sometimes it's just to look around and be thankful for the things I have. Sometimes it's to make me think what else I could be doing to help other people. Sometimes it's to wonder how I can contribute to making the world a better place. Sometimes it's to see if there's something I can do to ease the burden of a family with a teen fighting cancer.

But mostly, it's to make me realize that no matter what is thrown my way, life is to be lived to the fullest. And in the words of one of the wisest people I know I am reminded to, "NEVER GIVE UP!"

Matthew has been given the opportunity to once again attend a week long camp with other kids battling cancer. This camp has a tradition that any camper who receives five pieces of mail in a single day gets thrown in the lake. The past few years Matthew has received enough mail to get thrown in the lake every day that he was there.

Last year, in the 7 days that he was at camp, Matthew received 65 pieces of mail. He currently holds the record for the most pieces of mail ever received by any camper there.

I currently hold the record for the single individual that has gotten the most mail sent to Matthew. *Hee Hee*

And boy was he mad at me last year! But, I'm willing to undergo his wrath again to make sure that both of us hold on to our titles again this year.

So, if you can find it in your heart to drop him a quick hello, please do so.

He will be at the camp from June 17 - June 22.

The address is below:

**address removed**

Thanks for once again helping us out with our evil, get Matthew thrown in the lake, plot!!

Restless

2007-06-08T15:02:00.000-05:00

Do you ever have those days where you are bored, but don't really feel like doing anything?

Yeah, that's what today is like for me.

I got up and walked 4+ miles with my mom early this morning.

Then I went and had some blood drawn to have my cholesterol checked. Something that I've been putting off for the past 2 months. Not out of any fear of needles. Not out of any fear of the results (although, my cholesterol does run high). Not even because of lack of time....

But, simply because not eating anything for 12 hours is just about more than I am capable of!

I had to force myself to not eat breakfast before the walk, and then to drive straight to the doctors office immediately after. I knew if I came home to get cleaned up first, I'd cave and eat something to quiet my rumbling stomach.

I got home by 9:30 AM, and I've just been wandering around my house making half ass attempts at cleaning things. But I have no motivation, and appear to be suffering from an acute case of ADHD because I can't stay focused on anything long enough to actually finish something.

I should be picking up my office, or vacuuming my floors, or folding laundry, or organizing the storage room in my basement. I should be doing something with all the clothes I pulled out of my closet a week ago to take to Goodwill. Instead, they are now stacked in my laundry room on top of my washer and drier in way too tall piles that keep constantly falling over. I should be making the dessert I have to take to a party I am attending tomorrow.

And, I really really should tackle my crazy, insane fluff ball of a cat with a brush and comb and work out some of the mats in his hair...

But, instead I fear I'll just continue to wander around the house, accomplishing nothing, and then beat myself up later for wasting the whole day away.

*Sigh*

A New Place to Run?

2007-06-07T12:31:00.001-05:00

No running for this little runnergirl since my race, but I have been walking my butt off (Quite literally, I hope!)

I have been getting up at the crack of dawn, which I just love oh so much, to walk with my mom. We've been averaging between 3 and 4 1/2 miles a day, depending on what time I have to be at work. I just can't bring myself to actually set my alarm in the 5 o'clock hour, so some mornings we only have time for the 3 miles. The rest of the days we go 4 - 4 1/2 miles, depending on if we are walking at my house or hers. I've actually been a little sore, and can tell that I am using a few different muscles for walking compared to running.

My various aches and injures have been keeping quiet during my walks, but my knee does shout out an occasional protest. I'm just ignoring it like I usually do.

I do intend to continue with my running, though. The plan is to just take it easy this summer and decrease the miles and to not be in training for anything for a while.

I've been meaning to check out some different parks and/or tracks around town, and just haven't gotten around to it. I'd love to find a place that actually had a drinking fountain or two along the way, but so far no luck! So, I'm thinking that I'll make the time to do that this summer.

So, as a start to my search, last night I went for a walk around the new walking/running track that they put in near my house. I felt a little silly driving 2 miles to walk around in a 1.8 mile circle, but so be it. I was curious to check it out and see if it would be a good place to run. And I'd already walked 4 miles that morning and didn't want to add the extra 4 miles on that it would have taken to walk to the track and back.

I decided that I did like the setting. A small portion of it runs parallel along the roadside, but for the most part it wanders through farm land. There are quite a few areas where it is lined with trees, which might provide some shade depending on the time of day. It did also have quite a few gently rolling hills, which would be excellent for me, since we all know how much I suck at hills! I'm sure they would feel like mountains to me while I was running, but it would be good training for me.

There isn't the greatest place to park near the track, but it wouldn't be too bad if I had to stop by my car in between laps for some water. Much better than trying to keep swinging by my house when I run at home.

The only thing I didn't like about it is less than a quarter of the track is actually paved. The rest is gravel and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I suppose it might be easier on the joints than running on asphalt, but it makes me feel less sure of my footing. I'm not sure if they intend on paving the rest or not. I originally thought that they just hadn't finish it, but then last night while walking I noticed that they have the dirt at the sides all smoothed out and the grass replanted. It seems strange that they would have done that before finishing the paving, so now I'm thinking maybe they intent on keeping it as is. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Last night, I decided that I am unable to actually take a walk alone. If I'm with someone else, then I'm fine. But if I'm by myself the urge to break out in a run is too strong and I can't resist it. I went to the track with the intent of taking a leisurely walk. I didn't even have on my running shoes or a sports bra! But there were a few times when I just couldn't stop myself and I broke out into a run. Partly I wanted to test out running in the gravel, but mostly I just couldn't stop myself. I really wasn't there for more exercise or to get a work out. I was just kinda checking it out to gauge if I wanted to come back and run there in the future. It's almost scary how ingrained in me running is!

If I can drag my boyfriend and his camera with me one of these days, maybe I can post some pictures of the track and me running on it. I've been thinking for months that I should have him take some action pictures of me running, but I just never have. And every small race I run, he runs with me. So stay tuned for some possible pictures!

As Promised...

2007-06-02T14:33:00.000-05:00

Pictures!

Once we left the race we headed further north to Michigan's Upper Peninsula.

The Mackinac Bridge - Welcome to the UP!

My Dad & I in front of "Split Rock". This is in the town my parents live in. It's just a local point of interest, and can only be reached by an off road vehicle, as you must take a two track to get through the woods back to it. Mostly it's just a place where the local kids go to party. My Dad says that when he first saw it about 10+ years ago the crack between the two pieces was barely 6 inches, now it is much wider.

Here you can see the piece of the rock that has broken off and is wedging the two pieces apart.

Me at the start of our day on Mackinac Island.

No cars are allowed on the island except for a few emergency vehicles. You have to walk, ride a bike, or take a horse and carriage "taxi" to get places.

The Grand Hotel

Flowers in front of The Grand.

My boyfriend & I in front of Arch Rock.

Me, as my boyfriend tries out one of the setting on his camera that he is trying to master. Luckily I don't mind having my picture taken, as I am the queen of posing for him as he experiments with things. He's an amazing photographer. I keep telling him he needs to give up his day job sitting at a computer and become a wedding photographer, but he isn't buying it.

The entrance to the fort on Mackinac Island.

A view of the bridge from the fort.

A view of Round Island Lighthouse, and the other light house that I can't remember the name of, and a barge going by.

The Great 10k Adventure Part 3

2007-06-02T08:30:00.000-05:00

The Race Report

Read Part 1
Read Part 2

I'm standing the in road surrounded by others runners. There is an older lady standing next to me, with a child that looks to be at least 3 strapped on her back. I think to myself that I hope she is walking. Another runner jokes with her about her extra load. She laughs and says she is in fact walking and that she'd have to be crazy to attempt running while carrying her grand daughter.

There is what I assume to be a local radio station DJ off to the side and he begins counting down to the race start. He is far enough away that I can barely hear him, but apparently the race starts because everyone begins to moving forward. It is a chip timed race, so I'm not really all that concerned about it. I cross the start line in less than a minute and hit start on my Garmin.

When I cross the line I am still walking. The crowd is too thick and moving too slow to start running. I finally start picking up the pace and realize that I lined up too far forward and watch all the other faster runners blow by me. I feel bad, I hate doing that. The cold had consumed all other rational thoughts.

I start running and I feel stiff. It hurts. I go about a quarter of a mile and both shins start hurting. I decide that it is going to be a long race. I wonder what I am doing and why. I think that I can just quit now. If I turn around it's only 1/4 mile back, plus another 1/4 mile to the car.

I plod along for the first mile. My right shin stops hurting, but my left is still bothering me. I always let shin splints get the better of me and quit when they start up. I will run through just about any other pain, but shin splints make me want to sit on the curb and bawl like a 2 year old. I wonder how I am going to make it through 5 more miles of this.

I make it 1 1/2 miles and I start feeling like I am loosening up. My shin stops hurting. My hands are still freezing and they feel numb. I'm wishing I had thought to bring my gloves.

We are running along a residential area and someone has set up a water stop in their driveway. It's on the other side of the road, but I cross over and grab some water. I slow to a walk while I drink it and then speed back up. I'm still freezing.

I am running an out and back course. I haven't quite made it to the 2 mile mark and I can see the contenders for first place coming towards me running the opposite direction in the other lane. It's an amazing sight. I rarely have an opportunity to see the front of the pack runners, and the fact that they are running a pace that is at least twice as fast as mine is blatantly obvious. I am in awe. I see the first female runner pass me and I silently give a little cheer for her.

Watching the faster runners pass me gives me something to concentrate on, and before I know it I've gone about 2 1/2 miles. I'm actually feeling good. I can tell I'm picking up speed. I think that I should be seeing my boyfriend soon going in the other direction and begin looking for him.

Some where near here is the official water stop and I once again stop for some water.

The song switches on my mp3 player to Eminem's Shake That, which I love and it gets me moving a little faster. Then Ice Cube's You Can Do It comes on next. I run to that song a lot, as it is in the movie Save the Last Dance and I run while watching that movie at least once a month. I always speed up during the song, and this is no exception.

My feet are hitting the pavement in time with the music. I feel perfectly in sync. I feel like I'm flying. I'm in heaven. I feel like I was born to be in this moment. The song ends. It switches to the next one. I feel myself fading with the music change.

I look down and notice my shoe is untied. I run over to the curb and bend down to tie it. I decide to ditch my sweatshirt. I'm starting to warm up a little bit, and figure I may as well take it off while I'm stopped. I fumble with it, and knock both of my headphones out of my ears. I toss the sweatshirt to the side and take off running again, struggling to get the headphones back on. I finally do and I can tell that I am nearing the turn around point.

I have a tank top on under the sweatshirt and I can feel the cool air on my arms. It is refreshing and feels like it gives me an extra burst of energy. I pass my boyfriend going the opposite direction. I wave but he doesn't see me.

I make the turn around and feel amazing. I can't believe how well the last 2 miles have gone. I decide that I want to go back to the You Can Do It song, and back up my mp3 player until I find it. I actually listen to this song for the entire last 3 miles of the race over and over again. It just feels right.

I'm actually weaving in and out passing people like crazy for the next mile or so. I feel like I'm on fire and nothing can stop me now. I come back to the official water stop and grab a glass. I'm feeling really thirsty by now and slow long enough to drink the entire glass, wishing that I had another.

I start back up and feel myself fading slightly, but I'm still doing well and still passing people. I round the corner with 1.2 miles to go, and I know that I'm going to struggle with the end. It's getting hotter, and I'm warming up and getting uncomfortable. I feel like I need more water, and I'm giving it everything I have and it's taking it's toll. I'm coming out of the residential area and there is less shade

About 3/4 of a mile from the finish, I have to go up a hill. It about does me in. I struggle big time, but finally make it to the top. And I want to sit down and cry about the fact that I'm not done yet.

I keep going. I feel myself slowing down. I can see the end in sight. The end of the race is a loop around the high school track. It feels like torture. It's hot. I'm tired. I feel vaguely like I'm going to throw up or pass out. Maybe both. I'm regretting the decision not to stop at the porta-potty I passed 3 miles ago. I have 1/4 mile left and I'm seriously considering stopping to walk the rest of the way. I'm arguing with myself to stop being a wimp.

I round the final curve in the track and just have the straight away left. I kick it into high gear and finally cross the finish.

I bend over to take off my chip and don't think I'm going to be able to stand up right again. I grab a water and start to chug it down, I eat a banana and some yogurt, and proceed towards the car where my boyfriend is supposed to be waiting.

While walking, I'm watching other runners cross the finish. I can tell the struggling 10k-ers from the early half marathon finishers. I stop to watch some of the faster runners go by. One poor kid gives it everything he has, barely crosses the line and starts loosing his breakfast off to the side of the track. I'm thankful I hadn't done the same, knowing I was pretty close.

Official Time: 1:10:55.80

Garmin Time: 1:11:06.30 (for 6.30 miles - I forgot to hit stop until after I'd removed my chip. Oops!)

Splits:

Mile 1 11:33
Mile 2 11:41
Mile 3 10:56
Mile 4 12:08 (This was where I stopped to tie my shoe and fumble with my sweatshirt and earphones)
Mile 5 10:54
Mile 6 10:37
Mile .3 3:13

These are amazing split times for me. I never run under 11 minute miles. And even the first two miles were pretty good considering I hadn't bothered to warm up or even stretch. I was just too darn cold, and I really wasn't taking the race seriously anyway. At that point I was still telling myself that I could quit and go back to bed.

Over all, the race could not have been better. It was awesome. I'm pretty sure that I could have completed the half and regret bailing on it. But, it was what I felt I needed to do at the time.

The entire run my knee, ankle, hip, and back were completely fine. It made me wonder why I was quitting. Then I stopped running, my hip locked up, my back started hurting and I was limping like a 90 year old, and I quickly remembered.

I don't know how to feel about the race. It was amazing. It was the best race I've ever ran. And I did it with no preparation, and my head not even remotely in the game. It's given me the urge to keep running. To keep racing. Makes me wonder what I could do if I was better prepared. But the nagging pains are telling me that I really need a break. I haven't made any decisions. I'm still really thinking about running the 8 miles around Mackinac Island in September. Guess I'll have to just see how the next few weeks go.

I apologize for the three part report. It really wasn't from a twisted desire to keep everyone is suspense for days! I've been super busy since getting home and have been blogging in between patients at work. It can take a while to write a blog post in 5 or 10 minute increments! As a reward for your patience, the next post will be fun pictures from the rest of my trip to Michigan - Mostly Mackinac Island, with a few others thrown in for kicks.

The Great 10k Adventure Part 2

2007-05-31T08:18:00.000-05:00

Read Part 1

It's 4:00 AM, and I hear a strange sound. It drags me out of a deep sleep as I try to place what the noise is. I roll over and look at the clock and realize that it is the alarm going off. Why is it static instead of the radio station that was tuned in last night? I hit the snooze button and try to start the long process of waking up.

No more than 5 minutes go by, and another noise interrupts my attempt at slumber. This time I recognize the noise. It is the horribly annoying alarm on my boyfriend's watch. I once again roll over to face the night stand and this time turn on the light.

I lay with my face buried in the pillow until the snooze goes off and the static starts up again. I drag myself out of the bed, turn off the alarm, and stumble to the shower, where I probably stand for a full 10 minutes before I am even awake enough to bother with soap and shampoo.

I get out and dry off, and finally feel semi human. I can't decide what to wear. I don't know what the temperature is, and I don't know how warm it is supposed to get. I hem and haw and finally put on a pair of pants and a tank top to run in, along with a sweatshirt to keep me warm until the race.

I proceed with the rest of my pre-race necessities, gather my stuff, and we head out the door by 5:00 AM. We get to the car and I put my coat on over my sweatshirt. The intent was to eat a light breakfast at a Bob Evans that we had spied the previous evening. But apparently, normal people do not need breakfast prior to 6:00 AM, as this was the time they opened.

Deciding that we will not have enough time if we wait until they open, we head down the road toward the race. We spot a 7-11 that is open, and pull in. We spy some muffins and bananas, and grab some along with water. We sit in the car in the parking lot and eat our breakfast. I'm still only half awake. It is dark and cold, and I'm seriously considering just saying screw the race and heading back to the nice warm king size bed waiting back at the hotel.

We finish eating and head toward the race. We park the car in the school parking lot. It's 5:20 AM. It's still dark. It's still cold. I'm seriously questioning my sanity. Why exactly did I voluntarily sign up, and pay, to get up at the crack of dawn to torture myself with running a race that is farther than I've ran in months, and that I am doubting my ability to even finish without one of my various injuries kicking in and side lining me?

We sit in the car for a while, watching other racers begin filling up the parking lot. It slowly starts to get light. It's still freezing. I pin on my number, and dig out my garmin and mp3 player. We get out of the car and it takes everything I have to take my coat off. I still can't convince myself to remove my sweatshirt, but I have not come prepared with one I want to toss and leave behind. I like the one I am wearing; it is relatively new and it good shape. I would like to keep it.

We wander into the school and sit for a while on the bleachers, just watching other racers. It is 6:40 AM and our race starts at 7:15 AM. I can't believe all the marathoners still standing around as their race starts at 7:00, and they should be heading toward the starting line. My knee is actually hurting a little and it concerns me.

We make one final bathroom stop and head back outside. I still can't convince myself to remove my sweatshirt as it is just too damn cold. I tell myself that it is so cold I might be able to run with it the entire race.

We make our way to the start line and watch the marathoners take off. They head out and it is now our turn to line up at the starting line. Which we do, and we start the cold 15 minute wait until our race starts...

Read Part 3

The Great 10k Adventure Part 1

2007-05-30T19:48:00.000-05:00

It's Friday morning, the day before the race, and it is surreal for me. I know that I am running a race the following day. I know that I should be thinking about it, probably even worrying about it, and certainly attempting to prepare for it, but I'm not. We are supposed to be leaving for Traverse City, but neither one of us has packed a thing and nothing is ready.

We are obviously getting a late start, not that is of any concern because it is a 4 hour drive, and we won't be able to pick up our race packets until 5:00 PM at the local high school.

So we eat a leisurely breakfast, pack our suitcases, and finally get on the road. I am conscious of the fact that I am racing in the morning, even if I haven't given it much thought, or even bothered to run, in the past 3 weeks. So, I am at least attempting to hydrate. This is a tough thing to do while trapped in a car for 4 hours with no idea when the next bathroom will roll into sight. I do the best I can under the circumstances - drinking water on the way and trying to drink as much as I can during lunch.

Of course, with all that water, I desperately need a bathroom by the time we finally roll into town! We head straight to the school and pick up our race packets. I inquire about a bathroom and am directed to one, only to discover that is locked. After a random search of the school, I finally find an unlocked door, and am soon in a much better mood!

We are told where the race will be starting from the following morning and head out to check out the starting line. Once we are confident that we know where to go and where to park in the morning, we leave to find our hotel.

We get checked in and decide that dinner is in order. Keeping with the theme of ignoring the fact that I am racing in the morning, we head to a steak house, where I proceed to eat Fillet Mignon, a baked potato, green beans, and bread for dinner - Knowing full well that I am going to regret it in the morning. Also knowing that I am setting a bad example for my boyfriend and leading him astray. I should be directing him towards a better pre-race meal, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am presented with a rare opportunity to eat at a much loved resteraunt from my youth, and I am unable to turn it down.

We leave the restaurant stuffed to the gills and head back to the hotel. We settle in and attempt to get to bed early. It doesn't really work. We keep talking. My boyfriend is worried about the race, as it's the longest one he's ever ran. I keep reassuring him it'll be fine. I'm worried about my various injuries, but I try not to think about it. We turn off the lights and I remember that I need to plug in my garmin, so I get back up to find the plug and get it charging. We finally drift off to sleep about 10:45 PM...

Read Part 2

Exciting News!

2007-05-24T13:10:00.000-05:00

Well, first of all I just signed in to blogger, only to notice that this is my 200th post. Wow! So, I guess that is my first bit of exciting news to report.

The other exciting news is that my boyfriend has decided to sign up and run the Bayshore 10k with me! I think I kinda twisted his arm into it a bit, but I'm glad he will be running it "with me".

I know what's gonna happen though. For the next two days, he's going to ask me over and over if I'll stay with him and be sure to not leaving him behind. He'll say that he's afraid the mileage will be hard for him. That he's not a distance runner, just runs a few miles at the gym. He's not sure he'll be able to make it. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Then we are going to get to the start line, the gun will go off, and he'll leave me in the dust. I won't lay eyes on him again until after I cross the finish line, which he will have crossed 10 minutes earlier.

But, that's ok. I'm used be being left in the dust. Being a back of the packer isn't so bad. I'm just glad he's going to run it. He loved the two races that he ran with me last summer, and I have been thinking that he should try another one. It'll be his longest race ever, and I'm sure he'll be so excited to finish it!

Maybe I'll turn him into a runner yet!

I've Decided...

2007-05-24T07:10:00.001-05:00

that I am going to run the 10K at Bayshore instead of the half.

I just don't feel up to wrapping my mind around a DNF for the half, and I'm pretty sure that is what would happen. I've been walking every day with my mom, usually about 4 miles or so, and my ankle has been holding up fine. My knee, on the other hand, has been doing some protesting. Nothing out of the ordinary, but enough for me to worry that even walking the half might be too much right now.

So, I'm going to go for a leisurely 6.2 mile jaunt along the shore of Lake Michigan. Then I am going to hang up my distance running shoes for a while. There is a trail race at a local park in June that I am considering doing just for the experience, since I've never done one before. But I don't plan on running anything over 5 miles or training for any races in the foreseeable future.

There is a possibility that the carpet situation might be addressed in the near future. I called the owner and pissed him off over the weekend, and he pretty much told me to go screw myself. But, I must have at least gotten him to check into the situation because all of a sudden the phone magically rang yesterday and the store manager said that she had receive authorization to replace all of my carpet. So, at least I may end up with carpet that matches on both sides of the room.

The damaged trim is another issue, but one battle at a time. The manager told me to get a quote for what I would be charged to "touch it up". She would submit it for approval, and if it was deemed reasonable I would be reimbursed for the repairs. If it is too high, then they will "fix it themselves", which they already tried to do by rubbing on a little old English. It did not work!

I wanted to say a huge thanks to everyone that sent emails or left me comments. The advise was very much appreciated and so was the support. For now, I'm going to sit tight for a few weeks and see what actually happens with the supposed carpet replacement. If things don't turn out how I want them to in the end, I will be putting all of your excellent suggestions to work.

Am I just in a perpetual bad mood lately (which is entirely possible!), or does that stupid pop up bubble saying "Now Blogger saves your drafts automatically!" annoy anyone else? It's great that blogger saves drafts! I've lost a few long posts in the past, and it was extremely frustrating, but maybe blogger could be a little less obnoxious about it!

Grrr.

Anyway, in the morning, I leave for Traverse City and Saturday is race day. Then I will be traveling to Michigan's Upper Peninsula for a relaxing holiday weekend and returning mid next week. So, happy running everyone and have a great Memorial Weekend!

I Need Support

2007-05-20T05:29:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you feel like you are cruising along smoothly and life is perfect. Then all of a sudden things start happening and you start feeling like the cards are stacked against you.

I've entered one of those periods where it seems like the cards are plotting my demise.

It is 6:00 AM on Sunday morning, and I am awake and blogging because I can't sleep.

And why can't I sleep you ask?

Well, because one of the incidents I alluded to here, has me so worked up that I am completely frustrated, worried, and stressed out beyond reason.

I had new carpet laid in the basement of my house about a month ago, and it was a complete disaster. Not only was the carpet installed incorrectly, but my woodwork was destroyed in the process. I have attempted to contact the company several times, and everyone from the receptionist to the owner has told me to go screw myself. They refuse to even listen to my complaints and certainly have no intention of addressing the issues. I filed a complaint with the better business bureau and even that drew no response.

Everyone in the company keeps repeating that every thing that happened is completely normal and acceptable and I'm just supposed to live with it. My friends and family keep reassuring me that I am right, and that the company did a horrible job and that I need to keep fighting them.

Please look at these pictures and tell me that I'm not crazy! Reassure me that I have not lost my mind, and that this is unacceptable workmanship. Help me to feel better about the fact that I am trying to fight this, and tell me that you would not accept such a final result either!

A section of the carpet in the back of a closet wasn't even attached down...

The color of the carpet on the left side of the room does not match the color on the right. And the carpet on the right side has a strange appearance to it, almost as if there are stripes in it...

Isn't the carpet usually supposed to cover all of the underlying cement?...

I was cautioned that no seams are invisible, but come on...

Damage to the woodwork: Floor trim and door casing...

The stonewalling by the company has me completely frustrated and has reduced me to tears on more occasions that I can count. I just don't understand the attitudes that run rampant these days. What happened to pride in a job well done and treating others as you'd like to be treated? I feel like I am a dying breed because those things are important to me.

Some days I feel like I should just give up and join the ranks of the people that don't give a shit.

Of course, if I can't sleep now, I hate to think about what I'd be like if I really tried to do that.

I realize that this blog post has nothing what so ever to do with running, but I am turning to the wonderful RBF along with my friends and family that read for some support.

I need reassurance that I'm not crazy and that I am doing the right thing!

Does anyone know a good lawyer than can give me some advise about what my options are?!?!

P.S., Anyone one that is local, send me an email and I'll tell you the name of the company so you can stay away from them and avoid ever having to deal with this situation!

Insanity

2007-05-18T06:26:00.001-05:00

In my quest for the next road that I am going to be traveling down, I am returning to one that I used to frequent but gave up once I started distance running...

Walking!

A few years ago, I used to get up most summer mornings and walk 3 - 4 miles with my mom. Once I started training I simply didn't have the time, and we stopped doing it. And I really do miss it. It was nice to get out and get a little exercise, but what I really enjoyed was the hour or so a day to talk to my mom. I'm really looking forward to getting back to that.

Because of my work schedule, and in an effort to escape the heat, we usually got going around 6:00. However, I don't work on Fridays, and the weather hasn't been that warm lately, so today's walking session starts at 8:00.

And right now, at 7:30 AM, the outside temperature is a whopping 37 degrees! I didn't know I was going to need my winter coat to walk in the middle of May. The really crazy thing is that I over heard a few people saying that the high temp on Monday was 91.

Now that's insanity!

Am I Too Busy or Just Losing My Mind??

2007-05-17T15:30:00.000-05:00

I knew that I had made dinner plans with a friend for May 17th. I was thinking that was today's date, but I wanted to double check. So, I glanced at the calendar hanging on my kitchen wall. Only it said it was the 19th. Hmm...

I'm staring at it, thinking to myself that I was pretty sure yesterday was the 16th. After a minute I realized that the calendar was still on April. May is more than half over and I hadn't gotten around to changing the calendar yet. And in 17 days I haven't even glanced at it once to notice.

Yikes!

Decisions, Decisions

2007-05-17T06:44:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to decide what to do about Bayshore.

I'm not running the half, that much I've decided. But, from what I can tell, it sounds like they give you 6 hours to finish. I'm pretty confident that I could walk it in 6 hours.

The information I have read says that they don't have a category for walkers, and if you don't cross the finish line in the allowed time, you aren't an official finisher. But, it also sounds like they won't kick you off the course for walking.

Another possibility, is that there is a 10k instead. I sent an email asking if it was possible to switch my registration to that instead, and they said yes. I have no doubts that I could run a 10k without any problems as long as my ankle holds out, and there's nothing I can do about that. It's just gonna do whatever it's gonna do, so I'm not really going to factor that in to my decision.

I've wanted to do this race for a number of years, and I'd like to participate in some form or fashion.

Maybe I'll just go and watch.

The jury is still out.

Life

2007-05-16T00:41:00.000-05:00

Life is Ironic. It's full of inconsistencies and contradictions.

One minute I feel like I have it all figured out. The next I don't have a clue. Just when I finally feel like maybe my life is "settled", it throws me a curve ball. As soon as I think I know what I want, I change my mind. One day I feel like I'm soaring. The next I'm falling. I often bring it on myself, but I just can't help it.

I'm an analyzer.

I often wish I wasn't.

I think too much. I rarely accept things at face value. I never just live today without viewing what the consequences will be for tomorrow.

Usually, I believe that this keeps me on the track to happiness.

But, other times I wonder if ignorance really is bliss. And maybe if I analyzed less and thought less about my life, I could be ignorantly blissful.

I could take things at face value, and do what's easy, instead of what is probably right.

I could settle for what is in front of me, instead of worrying about what regrets that will lead to later on.

But that just isn't who I am. And I suppose that isn't who I want to be.

I never want to be the person that let's fear of the unknown keep them from trying things. And I certainly don't ever want the fear of change to keep me stuck some place that I shouldn't be.

So, I suppose I'm left with no choice but to sit and ponder my position.

I feel like I've been cruising along in my life the last few years happy as can be, and someone came along and yanked the rug out from under me, and I'm trying to catch my balance.

I'm reaching a point where I feel like I need to make some changes, but I don't know that I really want to. However, to ensure my future happiness, I believe that it is necessary. I think that if I sit here and passively let life happen, I'm going to wake up one day years from now and regret that I didn't take action now to try to get what I want and need from life.

Sometimes the toughest choices and the hardest things to get through, are the things that lead to real happiness in the end.

At least that's what I keep trying to remind myself.

I think that's part of why I love running so much. The training is hard, but crossing that finish line makes it all worth it.

Now, I'm trying to equate that to other areas of my life. The getting there may be hard, but hopefully the ultimate result will be happiness.

I'm Quitting

2007-05-14T09:45:00.000-05:00

After weeks and weeks of soul searching and deliberation, I have decided that I am no longer going to do any long distance running.

I will not be running the Bayshore half marathon on May 26, like I had planned, and I do not intend on training for any races in the foreseeable future.

My body just can't take any more, and it has reached the point where I no longer feel like it is worth it.

The knee injury that I dealt with when I ran Indy last year has never completely let up. I can feel it during every run, and even the 6 months that I took off while trying to get my ankle to heal didn't seem to make any improvement to it at all. When I wasn't running, it had stopped hurting, but as soon as I started back up it kicked in again. Now, it pretty much hurts all the time, whether I am running or not. It hurts as I stand all day at work. It hurts when I am kneeling down pulling weeds. It hurts when I have to stand in one place for too long. It hurts when I am sitting and have to keep it bent for long time periods. I'm just tired of it.

And of course, there is the ankle that doesn't seem to want to heal. Every run for the past few weeks it has been talking to me. I'm waiting for it to give out again at any second, and then I'll be back to not even being able to walk.

For the past year and a half I have been having issues with my hips. For the longest time it was just the right one, but the left one has started in the past few months as well. If I sit for longer than 10 minutes, I literally have a hard time standing back up. It feels like my hips "lock" themselves in the sitting position and won't release for me to stand. It takes me a full 30 seconds or so to go from a sitting position to a standing one. I feel like I am 82 not 32! Up until I started training for this race, I wasn't having any hip issues while running only when going from sitting to standing, but the past few months my right one has really been bothering me while running as well.

I think the final straw is that now my very lower back, almost near my tailbone has started to bother me. It lets up if I stop running for a week, and then starts back up as soon as I try to run again. It affects me when I sit and when I try to sleep. I just can't find a comfortable position no matter what I do.

I've just plain had enough of the pain. It's starting to affect my life.

I went to a friend's college graduation last week and we keep going from sitting to standing and I was having a hard time with it. My hip didn't want to let me actually stand up, and my knee was bothering me once I got there.

I went to see Spiderman 3 over the weekend, and sitting in the theater that long without being able to straighten out my knee was really bother it.

All of this pain is self inflicted. If I stop running, it should go away. So, I'm going to stop running.

But, that doesn't mean that I'm going to fall off the face of the earth, either!

Running is ingrained in who I am, and I will probably still do a few miles here and there to try to keep in shape, maybe run a few 5k's once I feel like I've put myself back together.

I've been giving some thought to giving biking another chance and riding on a more regular basis.

I used to go to the gym on a regular basis, and maybe I'll get back in to lifting weights.

I've really been enjoying my yoga class and am thinking about continuing with that.

Maybe I'll just start babbling about the rest of my crazy life.

I haven't decided.

I'm closing one door (but keeping it cracked), and in the mean time I will be searching for the next one that I'm going to open.

And in honor of my new path, I'm changing the name of my blog from Adventures in Running to The Adventures of Runnergirl to reflect that the winding road of life is taking me in a new direction.

So, stick around and see where I go from here....

I'm Home

2007-05-09T00:33:00.000-05:00

I made it home safe and sound after a very enjoyable trip. It was a little iffy there for a bit if I was actually going to make it home yesterday. The final leg of my flight got delayed for 3 hours and they were discussing canceling it all together. But, it finally took off and delivered me home!

We had a blast! We drank a few too many bottles of champagne, took a few too many naps, got a little too much sun, and ate way too much food. But we had tons of fun!

I even managed to run a few miles on the treadmill on the ship.

Now, that was a weird experience! I was actually having a hard time staying on the treadmill. Between the ship rocking and watching the waves outside the window I felt like I was going to topple off the side of the thing!

Bon Voyage

2007-05-02T18:38:00.000-05:00

Sadly, the remaining half of the duck eggs met the same fate as the first half. Apparently whatever got them remembered where they were and came back for the rest. I was hoping I'd get to see the baby ducks in a few weeks, but I guess it just wasn't in the cards.

On a much happier note, I leave tomorrow for my cruise. Yipee!

Drinks will be drank. Sun will be soaked. And fun will be had.

But, miles probably won't be ran.

Lucky for me, Mike told me that just looking at the treadmills on the cruise ship counts as training while I'm away.

Sweet!

Happy Running everyone, and I'll catch up with ya next week.

Tragedy Strikes

2007-04-30T18:52:00.000-05:00

I don't know what happened!! When I got home from my run last night at 8:45 PM, all was well. When my boyfriend left my house this morning at 7:00 AM, this was what he found.

Half of the eggs are still in the nest. My best guess is that maybe an animal got into the nest and got the eggs.

I suppose a kid could have done it, but then I think I would have found them smashed against the front door and I doubt that half of them would have been left in the nest. And Mama Duck hasn't abandoned the nest, so that leads me to believe a human wasn't in there.

Poor Mama Duck!!

She's still hanging around and sitting on the rest of the eggs. So, I'm holding out some hope that maybe I'll still get to see some babies.

In other news, I can walk normally on my ankle, but it is very tender. I'm just going to sound it out over the next couple of days and see how it goes.

To those of you that suggested songs for me to try out, I am in the process of downloading them so I can check them out. (Or - to be more accurate - my boyfriend is in the process of downloading them for me!) I appreciate the suggestions. So, a huge thanks!

And the best news of all.... I got my passport delivered to me on Friday! Yeah! Bring on the cruise ship!

Sunday Run

2007-04-29T20:23:00.000-05:00

Today's run ended up being 5 miles. I really didn't have a goal when I set out. It took me all day to talk myself into getting out there, so I told myself I could stop whenever.

Ah, yes. The games I play.

Splits:

Mile 1 12:03
Mile 2 14:20 (I think my Garmin lost it's signal. At one point it said I was running 17:56. I don't think so!)
Mile 3 11:46
Mile 4 11:59
Mile 5 11:11

All I have to say about the run is this.... #%*@ing ankle. It hurt every single step the entire 5 miles.

I knew my boyfriend was on his way over to my house and was going to be driving by me sometime while I was out running. I kept watching for him for the last half of the run. I was going to flag him down and hitch a ride back.

When he finally passed me, I was hidden on the other side of the road by a huge pick up truck going the opposite direction. I didn't see him because of the truck, and by the time I did see him he was going too fast and was too far past me to flag him down.

I wanted to cry.

But, I pressed on and make it home.

Now I am limping.

But I am not going to think about it. I just can't deal with anything else this week. I'm going to go to bed and when I wake up tomorrow it is going to be fine. Right?

Did I happen to mention that I am the Queen of Denial?

Losing Momentum

2007-04-27T00:07:00.000-05:00

It feels like the RBF is in a funk.

Myself included!

Everywhere I turn, there are blogs filled with posts from runners that decided not to train for a spring race this year. There are several more that decided to give up their races due to other life obligations. And then there are the ones like me... we haven't given up yet, but we are hangin' on by a shoelace, and a shredding one at that. I think instead of training, we are just gearing ourselves up for the pain that is going to result from dragging ourselves through the race courses.

Jayhawk and OOSG are running the Country Music half in Nashville this weekend, but in the past few weeks their blogs have been filled with posts about how under trained they feel. And curiously there seem to be more pictures of them partying with Mouse than actually running recently. Hmm... It must be some new form of crossing training, and I'm seriously considering giving it a try myself while on my cruise next week!

Runner Susan is running the Indy half Marathon next weekend, and she too has been discussing feeling under prepared.

Firefly and Jess are both trying to recover from ITB issues.

Liv had been MIA for the past 2 1/2 months, and just recently returned to blog land.

And both Bob and Rabbit recently pulled their blogs.

As for me, I keep flip flopping between running like a mad women and slacking with the best of them. One day I'm telling myself that I'm going to conquer that half marathon. The next I swear that I'm not going to run it.

Of course then there is Mike, out there kicking ass and taking names on his 18 miler. And I pray he keeps it up, because reading his reports and knowing I'm supposed to be running the half to his full at Bayshore is the only, and I do mean the only, thing that gets me out there some days. So, thanks Mike!!

Blogging

2007-04-26T22:38:00.000-05:00

Yeah. So I spend a lot of time thinking about what I am going to blog about. I do it when I am running. But I also do it at other times. When I should be doing something else. Or when I am bored and nothing else is occupying my mind. I sometimes take pictures for the sole purpose of posting them on my blog.

My boyfriend sent me the pic of this shirt tonight. He told me that I needed it.

Does that mean I have a problem?

Yoga.

2007-04-25T20:01:00.000-05:00

Is. Kicking. My. Butt.

But, in a good way. I'm really enjoying it more that I ever imagined I would, but it hasn't been quite the easy relaxing workout I was anticipating. The more I do it, the more I really want to continue with it. So, I'm trying to decided what I want to do when this class session is over in 3 weeks.

The instructor that I currently have is moving out of state this summer, so I'm going to have to switch regardless, and I don't know exactly what my plan is yet.

What I really should do is drag my butt across town to my gym, and attend the yoga class there, since my membership is ALREADY PAID FOR! Duh. Instead, I'm paying extra to take a class outside of the gym. Even worse is the fact that I am driving 10 minutes farther to it than I would have to drive to the gym.

I admit that my gym isn't in the most practical location for me. It is about 5 minutes from my boyfriend's house and place of employment, but that makes it about 20 - 25 minutes from mine. But it is dirt cheap so it's hard to complain. A year's membership fee wouldn't even cover 3 months at the YMCA or racquet club that are both 5 minutes from my house.

Of course, it has probably been at least 6 months since I've set foot in the place, so it's probably a waste of money even if it is dirt cheap. I have to renew my membership in June and I keep flip flopping about if I should keep it or not. But, I could go to yoga for a year there for the same price that I could go for 16 weeks with my current class.

Blah. Whatever. I'll figure it out.

I'm babbling about yoga schedules and gym costs because I'm trying to stick to something remotely positive. I have had a few incidents happen this past week that have me twisted and tied in knots and I am completely furious about them. Nothing devastating or life altering, but bad enough to about have me spitting bullets, and has me keyed up enough that I can't sleep, and even though I can finally chew, I can't eat either. What I really need to do is go run and stomp out some frustrations. But I got less than 3 hours of sleep last night, and have eaten one meal since lunch yesterday. I'd probably pass out on the road side and no one would find me til morning. So, running is probably not a smart idea. I think I'm just going to go to bed instead, even though it is only 9:00, and hope the world looks a little brighter tomorrow.

If not, I only have to make it for another seven days. I leave for the Bahamas one week from tomorrow.

Well, provided that I actually receive my passport as promised. But that's a whole 'nother issue!

I sent in the paperwork 9 weeks ago! because it expired a few days after I got home from the cruise I took in February. When I called to check on it last week I was told that they were a little backed up.

Ya think?

They promised I'd have it by May 1st. My flight leaves at 7:00 AM on May 3rd.

Nothing like cutting it close. If I miss my cruise, heads will roll.

My cruise leaves from Orlando. My boyfriend's sister lives in Orlando. My back up plan is to crash on her couch for a week if I don't get my passport. That way I'll at least make use of the flight.

Of course, I haven't told her that yet.

Tomorrow is back to the dentist day. Wish me luck...

YIPEE!!

2007-04-22T22:01:00.000-05:00

I have the best boyfriend in the world.

He fixed my mp3 player!!

My world is a happy place once again.

YIPEE!!!!!!!

Play List Extraordinaire

2007-04-22T12:15:00.000-05:00

This is my current play list. I'm recording it for my benefit. I'm really happy with it and think that I will use it, with a modification or two, on race day. But, I've been listening to it for a while and I need to change it up for a bit. If anyone listens to similar music and has any suggestions, I'm all ears (or is that eyes?).

Bitch by Meredith Brooks
Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani
We Will Rock You by Queen
You Shook Me All Night Long by ACDC
Simply Irresistible by Robert Palmer
Buttons by The Pussycat Dolls
Shake That by Eminem
You Can Do It by Ice Cube
Maniac by Michael Sembello
Safety Dance by Men Without Hats
Love In An Elevator by Aerosmith
Another One Bites the Dust by Queen
TNT by ACDC
Jumpin' Jumpin' by Destiny's Child
Highway to Hell by ACDC
Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top
It's Tricky by Run DMC
Unbelievable by EMF
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by ACDC
Whip It by Devo
Tubthumping by Chumbawamba
Get This Party Started by Pink
Tootsie Roll by 69 Boyz
Baby Got Back by Sir Mix A Lot
Closer by NIN
Stayin' Alive by The Bee Gees

Last Sunday the ground was covered with snow. Today it's 80. Can someone please explain that one to me? Ugh.

I got up this morning to run my 9 miles. I decided to change my play list on my mp3 player while I ate a little breakfast. During the process, my computer crashed twice, and now my mp3 player isn't working.

Great.

I took it as a sign that I really wasn't up for the run and went back to bed for a bit. I'm going to give it another go this evening, but I'm pretty much dreading a 9 mile run without any music. But a 9 mile run on the treadmill doesn't sound any better.

I guess it's time for a new mp3 player or an ipod or something. I've been putting off the decision for quite some time, but I suppose I'm going to have to face it now. My mp3 player was one of the first ones that came out, and it is quite old and has absolutely no memory. It can hold about 30 songs max - and that's only if they are pretty short songs!

The teeth update: The pain has been reduced to a very dull ache, my checks are no longer swollen and I can actually close my mouth again. My jaw is still a little sore and the most I've tried to chew was the banana I ate with my oatmeal for breakfast, but that managed to go smoothly. So, I think the end to the misery is in sight.

Well, until next week that is.

Lucky me gets to go back on Thursday for some more work. Unfortunately, when I finally could close my mouth I discovered that one of my new top fillings is too big and it hits my bottom tooth and those two places are the only ones touching. The rest of my teeth all have a space between them and I can't make them touch. So, I'm going back to have it worked on again.

I'm oh so thrilled with this. But, I'm just going to consider it my new diet plan. There are only so many foods that you can drink or swallow without chewing. I haven't been on the scales, but I can tell I've lost a pound or two.

In other news, I am going to be an aunt or a grandma or a something. See....

A mama duck has taken up residence in my landscaping. Her nest is literally less than 10 feet outside my front door.

Poor planning on her part, I'd say. Since every time someone walks in or out she flies off in a huff and struts around the neighbor's yard waiting for the coast to clear. I haven't wanted to get too close to the nest and disturb anything, but we've counted 13 eggs in there.

I've spent the past 2 days doing spring clean up in my yard, and needless to say, Mama Duck isn't too happy with me right now. But, she's gonna have to get over it. I'm doing the best I can to not disturb her any more than I have to. And I'm leaving her nest alone and not cutting down the old dead ornamental grass that she is using as a hide out.

I'll post some pics of them when they hatch if I manage to get any.

I'm so proud.

So Be It

2007-04-20T17:21:00.000-05:00

I only made it 2 miles.

And that was 1.75 miles more than I wanted to go.

The bouncing was hurting the teeth and jaw.

Plus I was running without my beloved gum.

Splits:

The first I've actually timed since fall...

Mile 1 11:42
Mile 2 11:23

That's not too bad for me under normal circumstances, and while running I was feeling like a total slug and knew I was going a lot slower than I have been running. So, I'm actually pretty pleased considering.

There's no where to go but up.

Progress

2007-04-20T12:13:00.000-05:00

It took me over an hour to eat my bowl of oatmeal this morning for breakfast.

It only took me 35 minutes to eat my mashed up baked sweet potato for lunch.

I'd call that progress.

My teeth are no longer hurting me and swallowing is getting easier, but my jaw and neck are still pretty sore.

But, now I have a splitting headache. I'm guessing it's from the lack of a decent meal including some protein, but my cheeks are still so swollen that they are in between my teeth and I can't close my mouth. I really don't want to risk chomping on them if I try to chew. Plus, I'm still having a hard time getting my mouth open wide enough to get a fork in.

So, I'm thinking an afternoon nap is in order, and then maybe I'll consider running a few miles later. But the 9 is gonna have to wait.

I'm trying to decide on dinner. I'm debating between applesauce or more mashed potatoes. Choices, choices!

Or, I could always use it as an excuse to have ice cream!

OUCH!!!

2007-04-19T22:29:00.000-05:00

*Warning - this post is nothing but whining, so skip it if you don't want to hear it. But, it is my blog after all, and I'll whine if I want to, whine if I want to, you would whine too....*

If this happened to you:

I had my fillings replaced today and I can't believe how much pain I am in!

I usually have a pretty high pain tolerance, and am willing to deal with significant amounts of pain if it means avoiding heavy drugs that make me feel like a space cadet. But, right now I think I'd be willing to take just about anything if it would make the pain stop!

When it comes to the dentist I am a total wimp, I fully admit it! And the older I get the worse I get.

I had envisioned the most horrific experience imaginable occurring while getting my teeth drilled. And my worst imagined scenarios didn't even come close to how bad it really was.

My dentist had to do one filling on my left side and three on my right. She started drilling on one of the right side fillings and I told her I could feel it. So, she gave me another shot and switched to the left side. That went as well as could be expected, and she went back to my right side. She started drilling again and I told her I could still feel it.

To make a long story short, 5 shots later on the right side and I could still feel her drilling. So, I had to sit through having 3 old fillings drilled out and replaced, while I could not only hear the drill rattling in my head, but I could feel it too.

It hurt so bad I wanted to cry and vomit at the same time. I had every muscle in my body tensed through out the entire 2 1/2 hour visit and now my mouth is so sore I can't eat, my neck is so sore I can barely turn my head, I can't sleep because of the pain, and I can barely talk because my cheeks are so swollen I can't close my mouth, but at the same time my jaw muscles hurt so bad I can't open it. I'm imagining this is what people must feel like when they have their jaws wired shut!

I want to sit down and bawl my eyes out because I am in so much pain I can barely think straight, but what good would it do?

I'm trying to see the bright side.... I just might lose those 5 pounds after all. The only thing I have eaten since lunch was a bowl of mashed potatoes, and it took me an hour to eat it. I was trying to eat a cup of jello while I was reading some blogs, but it took me 30 minutes it eat a third of it, so I just gave up. I've been nursing the same bottle of water since 3:30 this afternoon. I can't open my mouth wide enough to get a fork in it, and it hurts to swallow.

I'm a mess!

I'm thinking that the 9 miler might have to wait until Sunday. I have the feeling that tomorrow's meals are going to consist of oatmeal and mashed potatoes and I just don't think that's quite enough fuel to go run 9 miles on. Our weather is supposed to be gorgeous all weekend, so it doesn't really matter one way or the other. I just have more ambition on Fridays. Sundays are just kinda lazy days in my mind, so I usually have a hard time getting motivated to do much more than squeak out 3 or 4 miles.

End of the whining session! Thanks for "listening" to those of you that actually made it all the way to the end!

Comfort Zone

2007-04-18T22:09:00.000-05:00

Tuesday evening was yoga class and we started standing balance poses.

I was having a really hard time and could stay on one foot for about 2 seconds before I toppled over.

This wasn't exactly surprising or anything. I'd been expecting it. I knew it would be tough for me. I'm not exactly the queen of grace and balance.

But, I know with practice it'll get better. Until then it's just gonna have to suck for a while. And I'm going to have to try to not get frustrated with it.

The whole time I was standing there, one single thought kept going through my mind...

I wish I was running.

Because that I can do! I wanted to shout out during the middle of the class... "I know I suck at this. I know I keep falling over ever 2 seconds, while all of you just stand there all tall and graceful. But, guess what... I can do something. I can run! I'm kinda good at it, even. No, really, I am. I swear. I'm going to run 9 miles in a few days. You might be able to stand here and balance on one leg for like 20 minutes, but can you do that? Huh? Can you? Can you?"

I was feeling really out of my element and very far removed from my comfort zone. And I was feeling the need to be doing something that was easy for me.

But, at the same time I knew it was good for me.

I know that I will never grow as a person without challenging myself. And I also know that it takes time to get better at things. I've done yoga before and was eventually one of those seasoned people standing there watching the newbies topple over. And I will be there again if I stick with it. I just have to keep repeating that to myself over and over until it happens!

On the running front, I opted not to do my 4 mile run yesterday.

I feel like I am walking a fine line with my training this go round. Trying to get in enough miles without pushing myself to the point of injury again. I am conscious of every little ache and pain in my knees and ankles these days.

And it scares me!

I'm sure that I had these little twinges of pain in the past, and I never even noticed them. But now, since dealing with the injures I am constantly scanning my body for any sign of impending doom. I'm probably being over cautious, but I figure that if I reinjure something then no amount of training will matter. 'Cuz I won't be running any where.

So, I added another rest day into the schedule and did 4 very easy miles tonight. And I do mean easy. It actually felt pretty good to just run without being concerned about the pace.

Friday is my 9 miler. The weather should be perfect. They are predicting 62 and sunny.

I'm having 4 of my old silver fillings replaced tomorrow afternoon. I'm hoping that maybe some of the laughing gas will still be in effect on Friday morning and I'll just float through my run.

One can always dream...

Why Do You Do It?

2007-04-17T00:42:00.000-05:00

I was up reading blogs and I read this post written by Miss Petite America, and it got me thinking.

A recap for those of you you haven't read the post or don't want to:

Her mom is telling her that it is ok if she doesn't finish her upcoming half mary on Sunday because it's supposed to rain and MPA is dealing with an injury. And MPA is upset that her mom doesn't "get it".

How many of us have experienced similar conversations?

I know I certainly have!

My boyfriend's parents have always been amazingly supportive of my running efforts. They gave very generously when I was fundraising for TNT. His dad is very quick to offer praise and tell me how proud he is of me.

But he is also very quick to tell me that it is ok if I can't finish a run or a race. He's always telling me that it's ok if I have to quit, and not to push too much, and not to hurt myself (too late), and that they are proud of me no matter what.

My mom knows me pretty well, and isn't overly vocal about her opinions of what I do unless I am seeking advise, but I get the feeling that she thinks I am borderline mental for coming back for more after the knee and ankle injuries I suffered through last year. If I had to guess, I'd say that she often wonders why I just don't quit and why I keep coming back to torture myself.

And honestly, some days I wonder the same thing.

Running has probably reduced me to tears of pain and frustration more than just about anything in my life. And I have a choice. I could hang up the shoes and walk away at any time. I don't have to answer to anyone, so what's stopping me?

Why don't I just quit?

Because I can't.

It's honestly that simple.

Running has given me something that nothing else ever has before.

Confidence in my physical abilities.

And for me that's an amazing thing.

I'm a smart individual. I was always at the top of my class in school. And it usually came easy to me. If it didn't, I could almost always study hard enough to understand what ever it was. If I have to use my brain to solve I problem, I'm probably going to do ok.

But, I've never felt all that confident in my ability to do something physical. Most kids loved gym class, but I dreaded it. I was out of my element. Outside of my natural abilities.

And I felt like a dork.

I certainly couldn't hit a baseball with a bat, but I sure could get hit in the face with one. I couldn't shoot a basket, but I could scrape a two inch section of my nose and my forehead with my fingernail while I was trying, and be humiliated for weeks while it healed. I couldn't kick a soccer ball, but I just might nail the shin of the kid next to the ball pretty good. If dodge ball is the name of the game, then runnergirl is the name of the one who's gonna be hit out first. Football? You have got to be kidding me!

But, running.

Oh sweet running.

Now that I can do. It's just one foot in front of the other.

Running is a mental sport.

All you have to to is Not. Give. Up.

The first time I ran 8 miles, I was so shocked that I was able to do it.

The first time I ran 9 miles, I was so proud of myself I didn't know what to do.

The first time I ran 10 miles, I was on top of the world!

The first time I ran 13.1 miles, I was so excited I wanted to shout it from the roof tops.

And when I finally finished my first half marathon, the amount of pride and self confidence I felt was over whelming. It amazes me how much I draw on the strength I felt at completing that race at other times in my life. If I think I can't do something, I look back at that race and tell myself that if I could do that, then I can do whatever the new challenge is.

If you put my half marathon medal and my doctor of optometry diploma side by side and asked me which I was more proud of, I'd say the medal hands down.

I had to work harder for it.

And earning it changed something in me, and I will never be the same. I have a confidence and an unbreakable will that never existed before. If I don't do something these days, it is because I have decided that I don't want to, not because I am afraid that I can't.

And that is the most liberating thing in the world for me.

The freedom from the fear of failure.

So, why do you do it?

To Commit or Not To Commit

2007-04-16T19:40:00.000-05:00

That is the question.

Do you ever feel like the universe is plotting against you? Like everyone sat down when you weren't looking and all agreed to start nagging you at the same time?

So, last weekend my boyfriend and I have this conversation...

BF: "Have you started running again yet?"
Me: "No."
BF: "You've missed a few weeks with being sick. Can you make all that up?"
Me: "No."
BF: "So, what are you going to do?"
Me: "I don't know. I haven't decided. I don't want to talk about it."

Then, on Wednesday I was chatting online with a friend, and we have this one...

JL: "How's the running going?"
Me: "It sucks. I got sick and it slowed me down. I feel tired and worn out. Both knees are bothering me and I feel like quitting."
JL: "That blows."
Me: "Tell me about it."

Then on Thursday, my mom and I have this one...

Mom: "So, have you been able to run since you've been sick?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "Can you make it all up?"
Me: "No."
Mom: "What are you going to do?"
Me: "I don't know."
Mom: "Well, are you still running your race?"
Me: "I haven't decided."

Every time I look at my blog or log into my myspace account there are those pesky counters nagging me that I only have 45..44..43..42..41...days until Bayshore.

Alright already, would you people stop nagging me for crying out loud!! I got it already. I'm getting my butt back in gear.

I'm running, I'm running. I did last week's long run. I didn't miss my weekend run. I have tomorrow's run planned out (probably my first outside run since fall 'cuz - ya know - I'm a cold weather wimp and all).

But, does the universe cut me any slack? Does it recognize that I got the drift and I'm back on track and get off my back?

Of course not!

What does it do instead?

It taunts me.

It tosses a morsel in front of me, one that it knows I might not be able to turn down.

In my inbox this morning when I got up was an email telling me that registration was open to this.

Not that I am expecting it to be an exciting race, by racing standards. And Mouse told me that it was very unorganized, didn't have enough water stops and pretty much sucked when she ran it.

But it is in my home town, people. My teeny-tiny, podunk, don't blink or you'll miss it, home town! The place where I spent my entire, very loved, and very much missed, childhood. How cool is that?

And don't you remember how excited I was last year when I found out about it? And how disappointed I was when I couldn't run it because of my ankle?

I am dying to go wander the streets of my childhood, reminiscing of the good ol' days, in between gasping for breath, choking at the water stops, and cussing myself out for signing up for a race so early in the fall season when the temperature is bound to still be sweltering.

There are only 3 races that I really want to run: Bayshore - which I am doing on May 26th, the run around Mackinac Island - which is only 8 miles and I am planning on doing this year, and this one.

So, what's the problem, right?

This is the problem. Remember that post from 4 days ago. The one where I said I was tired of pushing, and that maybe I wanted a break from training.

Well, I can't run a 30K without some major training!!! The longest distance I've ever ran is 13.1 miles. And I've done it twice. Once in Indy, and once 3 weeks before - to prove to myself I could do it so I didn't have a major freak out on race morning.

I want to do the race, but I don't want to commit to the training. Lazy, Lazy, I am, but I just don't know if I'm up for it! But I'm going to hate myself come Labor day if I don't do this.

So, what's a runnergirl to do?

Luckily, this race isn't going to fill up, so I don't have to commit early and send in my registration. But I obviously will need to commit early enough to start training in time if I decide to do it.

AARRRGGGHHH!

2007-04-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

Here are a few pictures taken around my house today at noon...

Do you see all that white crap?

Yeah. That would be snow.

Seriously, people. Who forgot to give Mother Nature the memo that Spring is supposed to be here?

The Aftermath

2007-04-14T23:24:00.000-05:00

I admit it.

I'm sore.

And a few of my muscles are letting me know that they aren't too happy with me right now.

The 8 miles took their toll, but the really really wonderful news is that my knees have been great all day. I haven't even heard anything out of my right one, and that nagging ache is pretty much a constant these days. It didn't even stop during my forced 6 month hiatus. So, I'm ecstatic about that.

But...

Do you remember that pesky little ankle thing?

Yeah. That one.

The one that kept me from running the Chicago Marathon last October.

Remember?

Well, it apparently did not get the message on Friday about the dictatorship status, because I have been hearing some whisperings of a protest from it for the past hour.

If that damn thing keeps me from another race, I'm going to sit down and bawl my head off.

Then I just might cut my ankle off.

Mind Games

2007-04-14T08:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday evening's goal was to con myself into running 8 miles.

And I do mean con!

Two and a half hours before my designated "get on the treadmill" time (because I wasn't willing to actually call it my running time - I was just telling myself all I had to do was step on the treadmill and I was hoping the rest would take care of itself) found me happily sitting at my computer eating a brownie and drinking a glass of milk. (Left over from entertaining the previous evening)

Forty-five minutes to my designated treadmill time found me sitting at my computer shoveling in 2/3 of a pint of Ben and Jerry's. (Bought in a moment of weakness at Walmart the day before. But it was a new flavor and I just had to try it. I mean it's Ben & Jerry's! No one in their right mind would turn down a new flavor, RIGHT? It was the cinnamon bun one and it rocks, by the way!)

I so wish I was kidding, or even exaggerating slightly. But I'm not.

Is anyone out there starting to realize why I haven't managed to lose those 5 lbs yet?

Ten minutes to my treadmill time found me sitting on my closet floor, staring at my old running shoes sitting right there in front of me, and trying to convince myself to go get my new shoes out of my car.

Pretty sad, don't cha think? Hypothetically I'm about to run 8 miles and I'm too lazy to go get my shoes from the garage! So, I put on the old shoes, telling myself that I can always change them later if I need to.

I got on the treadmill, making the deal with myself that all I had to do was start and I could quit any time I wanted....

But I knew I never would.

I am a person that spends waaayyy too much time evaluating myself and my life. But the good side of that is that I know myself pretty well. And I knew that if I quit on the 8 miles, I was also quitting on the race. And I'm not ready to do that yet.

Because I'm not a quitter!

So, I knew the only choice was to compete the 8 miles or die trying. I just had to do it. Nothing else would be acceptable.

I spent the first 4 miles having a little chat with all of the protesters. I explicitly explained to my feet, ankles, calves, shins, knees, thighs, hips, shoulders, and lungs. That this endeavor in no way resembles a democracy. It is a dictatorship, through and through. And, therefore, they do NOT get a vote regarding the miles that would be ran for the next 6 weeks. They would do as they were instructed without complaint or there would be hell to pay.

And for the most part they actually listened. I did not hear a peep out of either knee, for the first time in months. Which leads me to wonder if it is the current shoes inducing the new left knee issues. Guess I'll just have to try a few runs in the old shoes and a few in the new ones, and see if I can figure it out.

I spent the last 4 miles trying to convince myself that I wasn't dying.

And Now...

2007-04-13T08:32:00.000-05:00

Back to your regularly scheduled program...

Updates:

Health: I feel better, but not back to 100%. I would say that I'm over my cold and no longer feel sick, but I feel so tired and run down still. There have been several nights over the past week and a half that I have slept for 12, 13, even 14 hours! And I'm dragging myself out of bed half awake, stumbling through my day, and going home just to fall back into bed at 7:00 and sleep until morning. It feels like my spring allergies are kicking into full force, and I think that leaves me feeling kinda sleepy and spaced out, too. It's making it much harder to get back into the running groove, that's for sure!

Yoga: I went to my first yoga class 3 weeks ago and loved it. The second class fell right after I got sick and I was running a temperature of 99.8, and figured it was probably a smart idea to stay home and rest. The next week happened to be spring break for the local area schools, and we didn't have class.

So, this past Tuesday was my first day back since the first class. I again really enjoyed it, but it is turning out to be much more of a work out than I was expecting. This instructor certainly pushes us to our limits! In this week's class we did a lot of back and arm stuff, and my lower back and shoulders are still sore this morning!

We haven't been doing any poses that require balancing, which is good and bad. It has been a nice transition back into yoga for me, with things being simple. But, after a few weeks back into it I'm starting to want the challenge of some of those harder poses. We might get into them as the weeks progress, but I'm not sure. I'm already thinking about signing up for the next session of class in the summer, and maybe I'll consider moving up a class level next time.

The Aforementioned Non-Running Goals: I am doing great with my ab work! We have an incredible local library system with a wonderful online searchable catalog. So, I can just get on my computer search for ab DVDs, put in a request to reserve them, get an email when they are waiting, and go pick them up. So, I've been doing my old stand by videos, and mixing it up with some new ones for variety. I've probably averaged an ab workout about every other morning for the past 4 1/2 weeks. I've even managed to get myself on a decent schedule to go to sleep earlier and get up early enough to do them before work! Which is probably the reason I've managed to actually stick with it! I'm not noticing any visual results from my efforts - not that I'd expect to yet! But I can feel that my waist line is tightening up a little when I'm standing with my arms crossed.

I haven't been doing so great with my weight loss goal, though. But I'm not giving up! I keep having small social occasions pop up that I have been using as excuses to over eat. Plus I've been on a cooking kick lately and have been making a lot of my favorite dishes. And it's not that the meals are all that fattening, I'm just kinda lazy and don't cook for just myself all that often. So, the home cooked food is tasting so good to me that I'm inhaling way too much of it.

But, I've been having a little chat with myself and we have agreed that we are going to get it back under control starting on Monday! It's always been better to start at the beginning of the week for me with things like that. The weekend just feels like a bad time to begin something new.

Running: I'm struggling, big time. I'm getting tired of pushing. Every run feels like I'm pushing to make myself finish it, even if it's only 2 miles. It just feels hard. My left knee is joining my right one it it's nagging pain that lingers even when I haven't been running in weeks. It has me a little concerned. I'm tired of running on the treadmill, but not willing to head out into 30 degree weather, complete with wind strong enough to knock you over, and every possible type of precipitation. In the past week we have seen rain, sleet, hail, and snow. Today is the first sunny day in almost 2 weeks! I keep waiting to fall back into some kind of groove with my running, and it's not happening. And every day that goes by just makes me dread those runs more and more. I just don't want to push any more, and I'm tired of hurting. I've been thinking that maybe I want to give up the training for a while, but not the running per se. I want to have the freedom to stop running after a mile if that's what I feel like doing. Not forcing myself to crank out another five because that's what the schedule says. But there is that pesky little problem of the half marathon that I am supposed to be training for on May 26th. What exactly do I do about that? I can't decided. I either need to kick it into high gear or give it up. I'm going to the race no matter what - I've already booked the hotel, and planned a vacation around the race location. Maybe I'll just be a spectator and cheer everyone else on. Maybe I'll just walk the damn thing. Maybe I'll get mad at myself enough over my lack of ambition that I will be able to kick it up for the next 6 weeks. I just don't know!

Blogging: I'm going to keep the blog. I enjoy it too much to give it up, and I'll just have to hope that my readers will forgive my erratic posts. And I think I'm going to take the advise of Miss Petite America and Jess, and use a second one to ramble about whatever I want. I already set it up. :)

And I almost forgot...

The Bangs: I still haven't made a decision. One day I love them and the next I hate them. I've decided that I'm going to keep them for now. I need to see myself in some pictures before I decide for sure if I want to keep them or not. For the past 2 weeks they have been too long and driving me nuts - and that's a short trip! But my appointment isn't for another 2 weeks. I don't want to have to start getting a haircut every 4 weeks, but I don't think I trust myself to trim them myself. The ironic thing is that since I've gotten them cut, I've had about 10 people tell me how much they like my new hair color. But the color isn't that new! I changed it a week or two before Christmas. I think people are just paying attention now because of the change in the cut.

Crossroads

2007-04-12T21:39:00.000-05:00

When I was in college I started keeping a journal.

It all started because of a guy.

A guy.... that I thought was unbelievable.... that I thought I wanted to always be with.... that broke my heart.... that I thought I'd never get over.... that I compared every other guy to for years. But also a guy that I was too scared to give a second chance to when he finally asked for it because I was afraid I'd get hurt again.

In an attempt to rid my mind of the swirling memories of my "one that got away", I started writing.

I poured out my heart and soul into my journal. I sat and let the thoughts flow from my head to my hand. Whatever crossed my mind ended up on the paper. It was therapeutic. It was eye opening.

Most of the time I just opened up to a blank page, grabbed a pen in a funky color, and started writing anything and everything that came to me. I rarely knew what the topic was going to be until I got going. Sometimes the things I wrote really surprised me. I learned a lot about myself.

And I liked doing it.

For years I kept the writing up and I had filled notebooks full of my innermost thoughts and desires. Filled up pages with my secret wants and fears.

I felt like I literally grew up on those pages. I went through the struggle of changing from the child I was to the adult I am in those notebooks.

Then one day, I just stopped writing.

Not for any reason. Life just got in the way.

I was working full time. Keeping up with my husband, my parents, my friends, my house, my car, my pets. And I just stopped writing.

Finally, I opened up the most recent notebook and noticed that it had been over two years since I had written a word. I started thinking about how enjoyable my journals used to be for me, and decided that I wanted to start writing again. So, I bought myself a pretty new notebook, came home and wrote a few pages, set it aside, and never wrote in it again.

All of a sudden it felt like a chore.

Like something I had to do.

And it was no longer enjoyable.

So, one evening I sat down with all of those old notebooks spread around me from the past 10 years of my life.

I read every word.

Then shredded every page.

That may sound like a strange thing to do. I mean, why not just put them in a box and tuck them away or something.

But, I knew they were there... with those empty pages calling out to me to start writing again.

And I was tired of feeling the pressure.

Shredding them was my road to freedom. And free I was.

And it felt good.

Insert a few years, and here I am.

Sitting here journaling again.

And I am facing that with very mixed emotions right now.

My blog is starting to feel like an obligation. I feel like I owe it to all of my faithful readers to keep them updated on my running status. And I want to keep them updated. But once again, life seems like it is creeping in and getting in the way.

I feel guilty when I haven't had the time to post for a few weeks.

And that guilt is sucking the joy out of it for me.

Also, I started my blog as a means to keep my friends and family updated on my training and fundraising progress with TNT. And many of them still read my blog. I have several family members that still read it, an ex-boyfriend who reads it, friends that read it, my current boyfriend reads it, and I'm sure a few others that I'm not even aware of because literally every single person I know was sent an email with this url included in it.

And I LOVE that they care, and I LOVE that they want to keep up with my training, and I LOVE that they support me, and I LOVE that by reading they are better able to stay in touch and know what is going on with me.

But at the same time, I don't exactly have the anonymity to pour out my every thought, now do I? And sometimes I miss being able to write without the filter in place of knowing that I need to be careful about what I write. I try to keep it PG - 13ish in case there are younger readers. I try not to mention other individuals very much as to not cause them attention that they may not want. And as much as they might love me, there are probably some things that my friends and family just really don't want to know about me.

I also have tried pretty hard to keep my blog related to running, and avoid boring everyone with my random life stuff. But sometimes, I'd like to write about the rest of my life. To be able to rant about a bad day or talk about my dreams or fears. Whatever.

So, I am finding myself at a crossroads. What do I do?

Do I keep blogging just like I have been and limit what I say to mostly running stuff? Do I delete my blog and just say screw it, I quit? Do I start another anonymous blog where I can blog about my non-running life? Every 5 minutes I come to a different conclusion!

I'm also feeling like I am at a crossroads with my running. Mentally I'm really struggling right now and I'm not sure what I'm gong to do. Part of me wants to quit. Just toss in the towel and walk away. Because there are so many things I'm tired of. But another part of me thinks it might just be the weather, and the fact that it is April and it has snowed for the past 10 days in a row, and I'm sick of the treadmill. But I don't think I'm quite ready to deal with it or make a decision. Or even to fully explore all the issues that are there. Which is probably why I ended up writing about blogging instead, which wasn't really my intent when I sat down.

I'm really quite good at avoiding things that I don't want to deal with! But I will. Soon! Just as soon as I can come up with something resembling a decision about what I want to do.

Why?

2007-03-28T08:06:00.000-05:00

Why oh why does this always happen to me?

It seems that every time I finally get going with my training I get sick and it stops me in my tracks.

I started coming down with a cold on Monday, complete with sore throat, running nose, fever, and aches, and it's gotten progressively worse ever since.

*sigh*

Progress Report

2007-03-22T08:03:00.000-05:00

Yoga class on Tuesday was great!!

It really was a true beginner class - probably the most basic I have ever taken. Sometimes you just never know! It may say beginner, but often times there are individuals that have taken the class a few time before, so the class is taught at a semi-beginner level to try to teach the newbies without boring the old timers that aren't quite confident enough to move up a class level.

The instructor spent a lot of time talking and explaining things for the first part of the class, which was good for a number of reasons. I actually picked up quite a few pieces of new information and insight that I had never learned before.

Starting with the basics is a great refresher for me and it is all coming back easier than I thought it would. I may not remember the names of any of the poses, but my body seems to remember how to breathe and how to flow from pose to pose. I'm really glad that I signed up for the class, and I'm hoping that it will continue to go just as well as the first evening did.

My boyfriend asked me a few days ago how my training was going for this race. Since he had asked, I actually stopped and thought about it which I really hadn't done. I was mostly just trying to get my head back in the game, and taking it as it was coming with out evaluating it. What I decided was that this time it hurts more.

I feel sore-er (is that even a word?) than I ever have along with more little aches, pains, and twinges than before. It's not a feeling of major pain or anything that I think is serious and it is never in the same spot. Just some rumblings from my body letting me know that it's not completely happy with me.

I don't know if I am pushing too hard, but I don't feel like I am. Or if my body is just having a harder time getting back into the groove. Or if I am just paying closer attention, looking for any sign that my knee or my ankle are going to start to give me problems so I am now noticing things that I wasn't before. But I'm encountering a new experience with it all, instead of thinking to myself that I want to stop because I'm tired, I'm thinking that I want to stop because my knee, ankle, hip, feet, back, etc, etc, are uncomfortable.

Well, my morning was supposed to consist of a 6 mile run outside, before I leave to go out of town until Sunday. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that no running will be done by this runnergirl while I am away. I will be spending the time catching up with one of my best friends while we scrapbook to our heart's content. Which usually means sitting in one spot without moving anything but our hands and mouths for days on end, combined with too much, bad for us food, and no sleep.

Instead of my 6 mile run outside, I'm hoping to get it done on the treadmill before my power goes out! I woke up to a dark looking sky. Which quickly started casting down rain and lightening and making my house rumble with the thunder. My lights have flickered twice in the course of my typing, so I do believe it would be wise for me to end my post earlier than planned before I lose power and my computer crashes.

So, until next week...... Happy Running!

Long Lost Friend

2007-03-20T14:36:00.000-05:00

Two short hours from now, I will find myself some place else.

Some place I haven't been in a really loooooonnnnnngggggg time.

Some place where I will be spending an hour every Tuesday evening for the next 2 months.

And I will be doing something, umm... shall we say, different than what I'm used to,

and I'm a little nervous.

Because, well, what if...

what if...

I, oh I don't know... tie myself in knots and fall flat on my face?

Because that is entirely possible.

What is this new activity?, you ask.

Yoga.

And it's not like yoga and I are complete strangers. It's more like we're long lost friends.

And we will be reuniting after a long separation.

But the question remains... what if we no longer like each other?

It could end up being a very long 8 weeks!

Before & After

2007-03-17T20:57:00.000-05:00

And here are the obligatory before and after hair pics for your viewing pleasure....

I've actually taken several pics over the past few days, but it took me until now to convince myself to post them.

First, self pictures never look good, no matter what you do!! Unless you actually take the time to figure out how the timer on the camera works and stand back from it, but who wants to bother with that.

And second, I needed a few days to get used to the new look before I could share it with the world. I think it is growing on me. Plus, at work today a few long time patients told me that they really liked the new look. So, I guess maybe that helped!

So, without further ado...

Presenting the BEFORE...

Not necessarily a true "before" picture, but it was taken about a month ago, and it shows what my hair looked like prior to the traumatizing bangs decision.

And the AFTER...

Randomness

2007-03-15T12:50:00.000-05:00

The "4 mile leisurely run" that I had planned for Tuesday afternoon turned into the 1 mile torture session from hell.

I made it less than 1/4 of a mile and my calves started to cramp up. I stopped and stretched them out, but as soon as I started running again they started cramping again. So, after repeating that process a few more times, I decided to toss in the towel and give up after a mile.

I'm giving myself today off, and hopefully tomorrow my legs will be willing to cooperate for the 6 mile long run that is supposed to occur this week.

Since the running seems to be on a fast track to nowhere, I decided that it was a good time to concentrate on other things. So, I've been getting up early every morning to do some ab work and have been getting myself back into the habit of drinking plenty of water. I'm also trying to convince myself that since I'm back at the training, maybe I should start making friends with a vegetable, or two.

I woke up this morning before it was light out.

That tends to happen when you go to sleep before 9:00 PM!

I made my customary bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, and wandered upstairs to the computer. I ate my breakfast, checked my email, and read a few blogs. By then the sun was starting to make an appearance, and I proceeded back down the stairs to go do my sit ups.

I got halfway downstairs, and was able to see out the window next to my front door.

Holy @#*&! Where did that white crap come from?

I knew they were predicting snow for the weekend, but when I went to sleep last night it was raining, not snowing!

I heard that our high on Tuesday was 76 degrees. Today the ground is covered in snow.

I think Mother Nature must be suffering from PMS!

Do you ever have one of those 'Oh my god, what the @&*$ did I do?' moments?

Where you made a snap decision about something..... not something extremely, critically important or life changing.... but something that maybe you should have thought about for a little longer than the 10 seconds you took to make the decision?

Yeah. Well...

I went to get my hair done this morning.

{Are you sensing the impending doom?}

So, I tell my stylist that I'm getting bored with my hair and have been thinking about doing something new.

I tell her that I'm liking the color of it, since we just changed that a few months back. But, I've had the same cut, more or less, for a long time. So, I was thinking about doing something different.... thinking how my cousin and the girl I work with both just cut their hair much shorter, and it looks so cute.... thinking maybe I should cut mine. Blah. Blah. Blah.

But, I don't really like having short hair when I run. I like to be able to pull it back into a ponytail. I hate having to put in a million bobby pins to keep it off my face.

But I'm so tired of it. I feel like it's flat and lifeless. I've had it the same style for a long time. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I just don't know what to do, I tell her.

Poor girl!

So, she says to me...

"Well, we could cut in some bangs and bring all the layers up. It'll still all go back into a ponytail, but the shorter layers will give it more body. And you'll just have to put a bobby pin in to hold the bangs back."

After about 5 seconds of consideration, I say," OK. Go Ahead."

So, she colors my hair, and then proceeds to cut it, dry it, style it, and then hands me my glasses and turns me towards the mirror to look.

OH MY GOD!

I feel like I'm in kindergarten!

I don't think I've had bangs since, oh I don't know,..........NEVER!

Sure, I had the huge "mall hair" bangs back in the 80's that stood a foot off my head. But I don't think I've ever had real, lay across my forehead, bangs combined with the rest of my hair being longer. If I ever have, I certainly don't remember it.

And it's not that I don't like it.

It's that I look in the mirror and feel like I don't even know the person looking back at me! How can a few snips of the scissors make me feel like I've lost my identity?!?! And it isn't like the rest of my hair is that different! It's got a few more layers, but it's been like that before. It's basically the same as it's been for the past 6 years, except for the bangs.

I know it'll grow on me! My hair stylist said she felt the exact same way when she cut her bangs a month ago, and now she loves them. She was teasing me that I was going to send her a myspace message in 3 days telling her that I love my hair. Just like I always do.

And she's probably right.

Once I stop wondering what the #&*@ I did to myself!

What Are You Made Of?

2007-03-13T14:49:00.000-05:00

"I am a runner."

I say that to people, and sometimes I feel like a fraud. I mean, yes, I run. But does that really make me a runner?

Do I run fast enough to call myself a runner? Do I run long enough distances to call myself a runner? Am I dedicated enough to call myself a runner? Since I've never ran a marathon, can I call myself a runner?

What defines what "a runner" is? Is it a set number of miles? Is it a certain state of mind?

With all these questions running through my mind, I've been feeling the need to give running my all lately. I've been feeling the need to prove to myself that I do, indeed, still deserve the title of runner.

Come on, you know what I'm talking about.

There are times when we need to see just exactly what we are made of. When we need to leave it all out there on the road behind us. When we need to give it everything we've got.

Just to see exactly how much that is.

We may all have our own reasons for doing it, and our own means of accomplishing it, but there are times when every runner feels the need to test just what they are made of.

For me, last Thursday's long run was one of those runs.

Because, let's be honest here for a minute...

If you were to look up the word slacker in the dictionary, you'd see a picture of me sitting there, on my butt, grinning back at you.

And I just might have a bowl of ice cream in my lap.

I used my ankle injury as an excuse to be lazy for the past 6 months.

And I really don't feel very good about that!

So, now that I'm getting back into running, I needed to see just where things stood. I needed to bare it all and lay it all on the line.

I needed to see where I am,

and just how far I have to go.

So, even though the run was only 5 miles, I gave it everything I had to give. And I ran it as fast as I could. And I didn't stop until the very last gasping breath that took me sailing over that 5 mile mark.

And the good news is that I'm in better shape that I was expecting.

The bad news is that my calves were so sore that I could barely walk for 3 days!

So, even though our weather has been gorgeous, I haven't gotten out there to see any of it. I did manage to hobble through my 3 mile run on Saturday evening. But, all I did was add insult to injury, and decided that maybe skipping Sunday's 4 miles was a good idea since I was pretty much limping by then.

So, this afternoon a leisurely 4 miles is planned where I am expecting to enjoy some wonderful sunshine!

The high today is supposed to be around 70 degrees.

They are predicting snow on Saturday.

Does anyone else see a problem with that?

I Give

2007-03-08T23:45:00.000-05:00

Ah Yes...Guilt.

The ultimate motivator!

I had decided that I was going to wait until tomorrow to do my 5 mile long run. But 10:00 PM rolled around and I decided that I just couldn't do it. So I gave in, donned my running shoes, and hopped on the treadmill to crank out the miles.

I did, however, blow the dust off my garmin and plug it in to charge. I have a feeling that the road is going to be calling my name tomorrow anyway, and I just might end up going out and running a few miles just for kicks. They upped the predicted temp to 50 degrees and it is supposed to be sunny, too. And we haven't had too many sunny days in these here parts lately!!

I am always astounded by the ability of the human body to adapt to the stresses that we put it under. When I started back 2 weeks ago, 2 miles about killed me. And I just ran 5 miles tonight and it felt great. I even managed to do it in a time that was 1 minute faster than I ran 4 miles a week ago.

We don't want to talk about how slow that time was, though!

Progress, people. It's all about the progress.

To Wait, or Not To Wait

2007-03-07T22:44:00.000-05:00

That is the question.

I do my long runs on Thursdays, and take Friday as an off day because of my work schedule.

This week my "long run" is only 5 miles. That doesn't sound like much of a long run, but it'll be more consecutive miles than I have run in months. I'm actually really looking forward to it, even though I know it's going to kick my butt and take my name.

Weather.com says that it is supposed to be 35 degrees on Thursday and 46 degrees on Friday. Do I wait until Friday to run and see if we actually get the warmer temp they are predicting, or do I assume that they weathermen are being big fat liars again and just run on Thursday like I usually do?

I'd love to get back outside for a run, but I'm going to be very disappointed if I wait, only to find out that the weather is still cold!

Tonight's run was 3 miles. I was making up the miles that I missed on the first day of my training schedule last week.

Whoops!

I am going to try really hard not to miss any miles this go round. If I don't do the miles, I'm not going to get any faster!

And I want to get faster, darn it!

Not much, just enough to PR in my race, even if it's only by a second or two I'll be happy!

Running Room

2007-03-04T19:02:00.000-05:00

I've mentioned in previous posts that I am in the process of finishing my basement. Over the course of the last year and a half it has gone from nothing but a few studs and some concrete to something resembling living space. At times it has been quite the mental and financial drain, but as it is nearing completion I'm getting excited.

One of the main forces behind finally getting around to this big project was that I was tired of having my treadmill in my bedroom. So, included in the basement floor plan is a "running room." A room large enough to put my treadmill and TV, along with a little floor space to do a sit up or two, and a closet to store all my running junk that I have accumulated.

My mom and I put the finishing touches on the room today, and it is now done except for the carpet.

And me batting my eyes at some boys with big muscles to help me carry the treadmill down there!

I decided that if Mother Nature wasn't going to give me spring, then I would give it to myself! So, I chose bright springy colors, with some flowers thrown in. My mom says it reminds her of the '60s, but since I wasn't around back then I figure I'm entitled to relive the flower power years.

So, drum roll please........

Pictures of my new, almost complete, running room:

Standing at the doorway looking in.

Back corner of the room.

Closet.

Bye Bye Blisters

2007-03-03T19:04:00.000-05:00

My blisters are gone! Yeah.

Today was the first run since I started back that didn't end with my feet covered in blisters. And my beloved calluses are well on their way be being back. Yipee!

Now you've really heard it all, right? Someone celebrating the return of calluses!

The comments on a previous post were full of wonderful advise about how to prevent blisters. But the ironic thing is that it has never dawned on me to try to prevent them! I guess I just view them as a rite of passage of sorts. I just grit my teeth and resign myself to the fact that for the first week I am going to hobble around on sore feet. After that the skin has toughened up enough that I no longer get any blisters.

So, 3 more miles have been added to the log book, and hopefully the last of my blister filled runs have passed!

Setting Some Goals

2007-03-02T13:07:00.000-05:00

Did someone say ouch?

My right arch has a blister about the size of 2 quarters side by side, plus a few other smaller ones scattered around my foot. The ones on my left foot aren't quite as big, but they are reminding me that they are there just the same.

So, I decided that today was going to be a rest day.

The original plan was to run 3 miles to make up for the ones I missed on Saturday. Great way to start off a training schedule: miss the first day! But, I thought since I can barely walk, running was probably out of the questions. So, I'll just try to work the 3 miles into next weeks schedule instead.

I usually start my training weeks on Saturday instead of Monday. I'm sure that seems a little strange, but it works out well with my work schedule. Bumping the days up like that makes the long run day fall on Thursday, my day off, instead of Saturday, a work day.

As I am starting out on this training journey, I have been thinking about my goals for the next 12 weeks, and for the race. I'm trying to decide exactly what it is that I want to accomplish.

The last time I trained for a half marathon my goal was simple:

Finish the race without keeling over first!

But this time, I have a little more experience under my belt. So, I am wanting something different. I'm hoping that I have the ability to train a little smarter, and accomplish a little more.

My goal for the race itself is quite simple. I'm hoping to finish it in a faster time than I finished the Indy half marathon last May. Which means that I need to finish in a time faster than 2:42:32. I think that is doable. I didn't push myself much during the training, or the race, last go 'round. And I intend on working harder this time, and I picked a training schedule with higher mileage for this race.

My other goals are actually rather simple, as well.

First, I intend on incorporating some ab work into my workout routine, and hopefully, I can improve the appearance of my mid section. I'd really like to be able to put on a 2 piece swimsuit this summer and actually be comfortable in it!!

Second, I would like to lose 5 lbs during the course of my training. I really don't think that should be too difficult. I don't think that 5 lbs in 13 weeks is too much to ask of myself. And since I'm basically making a shift from couch potato back to runner, I hope the increase in activity should be enough to drop a few pounds.

Losing 5 lbs would put me right under 140 lbs, which is a place that I haven't seen in a very long time, and would very much like to be!

As long as I don't use my running as an excuse to eat everything in sight, like I did last time, I should be fine. I think I gained 10 - 15 lbs while training for my last race (which I have since lost!). I had to reward every run with a treat.

Even if the run was only 2 miles!

I mean, 2 miles still deserve a chocolate extreme blizzard as a reward.

Right?

Big Fat Liar

2007-03-01T16:22:00.000-05:00

After sleeping for a blissful 12 hours and 45 minutes last night, I awoke at 10:45 AM to find that the outside temperature was a mere 36 degrees. And while that isn't quite freezing, it is a long way from the 51 degrees that the weatherman had predicted.

Liar!

I decided to give it a few more hours to see if it would warm up any. By 3:00, it had climbed to a whopping 39 degrees.

So, I decided that wasn't warm enough for me to brave the rain, so I ran on the treadmill instead. Where I managed to actually run all 4 miles today!

Woo Hoo!

I also learned a very valuable lesson: Running and crying aren't a good combo!

While I was running, I was watching Save the Last Dance. I bet I have literally seen that movie 25 or 30 times by now, but it still reduces me to tears in several spots. Like after the ballet, when Sara is talking about giving up dancing because of her mom's death. And when her dad shows Sara her room all done and tells her he loves her. And when Derek goes on stage during her audition and tells her that she was born to [dance]. I kept having to hold back my tears in order to keep running or I knew I was going to start having a hard time breathing and have to quit.

I just love that movie! I guess the determination that Sara shows for her dancing is the same kind of determination it takes to train for a long race. Plus it's just an emotional, touching coming of age type story.

I highly recommend it to any females out there who haven't see it. All of you guys would probably just roll your eyes and call it a stupid chick flick!

In other happy news, I am now the proud owner of 7 more pairs of shoes than I owned at this time yesterday. Why anyone needs to own as many shoes as I have in my closet is beyond me, but so be it! None of the new ones are running shoes, but they are still pretty! See...

Warm Up in the Forecast!

2007-02-28T09:45:00.000-05:00

This morning I made up my two miles from Sunday. It's not the same as 4 miles in a row, but what's a girl to do?

I'll have another chance to conquer that tomorrow, as the schedule once again calls for 4 miles. I think I'll make it as long as the blisters don't hold me back. I have 3 on one foot and 2 on the other. Why oh why did I ever stop running? I hate the blisters I always get for the first few weeks that I start back up. I miss my calluses!

In happier news, it is actually supposed to get to 51 degrees tomorrow!! Yippee!

It's supposed to rain all day, but I don't even care. I'm looking forward to my first run outside in months!!

Getting My Butt Kicked

2007-02-27T17:33:00.000-05:00

Loving this new training schedule?

Yeah. Not so much.

Sunday: Run 4 miles.

Ok, I can do that!

Oh wait...

Did you mean run 4 miles....

in a row?

Then again, maybe not.

I made it two miles before I ran out of steam. And my muscles have been screaming at me ever since.

But, today was better.

Tuesday: Run 3 miles.

Check!

It'll get easier. It has to.

Right?

I always bounce back pretty quickly. No reason this time should be any different! By this time next week, I know I'll be back in the grove. But this getting back into the swing of things is just plain kicking my butt.

Blog Face Lift

2007-02-25T20:23:00.000-05:00

As is par for the course, I'm getting ready to give my blog a face lift! It seems that every time I begin training for a new race, I find it necessary to change the appearance of my blog. And, I'm even going to finally get around to fixing the side bar that got messed up when I switched to new blogger. So, please bear with me as I figure out exactly what I would like my blog to look like for the next 13 weeks!

Something Resembling Sanity

2007-02-25T15:24:00.000-05:00

I've settled back into my routine and caught up from being gone on vacation. I'm pretty sure that I have most of the balls back up in the air.

For now, I'm holding off on making a decision about the Netflix vs Blockbuster idea. My boyfriend owns more movies than any sane person should, so I've decided I'll just raid his collection until he tells me to quit or I've exhausted the supply. Then I'll make a decision and join one of them. Thanks to everyone for their input!

It feels pretty good to say that my bills are paid, the laundry is done, the cat is feed, the plants are watered, and my to do list is down to only 98 pages from the 250 that it was at a few weeks ago!

The training schedule is taped to the fridge. As far as I can tell, my knee and ankle are doing fine, and I'm running out of excuses as to why I'm too busy to run.

So, it would appear that I'm finally back in the game. My schedule calls for 4 miles today, so my treadmill and I have a date in a little while.

Last night we had an ice storm and I don't quite trust myself to go run outside. I'm pretty much a big ol' klutz and I'm afraid that I'll fall and break something or twist my ankle if I try to brave a run on the slippery streets. I'm not willing to risk an injury just as I'm about to get going again!

So, me, the treadmill, and a movie are going to be fast friends this afternoon for my first run in so long that I don't even want to think about it!

I can't wait!

I've actually been looking forward to this moment for days. Wish me luck!!

In another great debate, I'm trying to decide what to do with my hair! Do I keep it the length it is? Cut it off? Grow it back out? Keep it the color it is? Or go back lighter? Help! I can't decide!!

February 2007 ~ Mardi Gras Party ~ I really don't think those beads are the height of current day fashion!

February 2006 ~ Boyfriend's birthday party

May 2005 ~ Visiting with Friends

Back to Reality

2007-02-15T01:30:00.000-05:00

Sadly, I have re-entered the real world after the most wonderful vacation! My boyfriend and I went on a cruise to the Bahamas. It was tons of fun and very relaxing.

And the very best part is that when I got on the scales this morning I only weighed one pound more than when I left.

Now that's a good vacation!

My boyfriend and I are both into photography and we took a total of 907 pictures! No, that isn't a typo!

907 pictures in 5 days. Insane! Here are a few of the highlights!

**slide show removed**

My Hero

2007-02-13T19:24:00.000-05:00

We all have heroes in our lives; people that we look up to for one reason or another.

My hero's name is Matthew. He is the most awesome kid in the world!!!

I met him a year ago when I became involved with Team in Training. He was my honored hero when I ran the Indy half marathon to raise money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

He was diagnosed with Leukemia when he was 8 years old. And TOMORROW (Feb 14th) is his 15th birthday.That's one heck of a long time to be under going chemo! But he deals with it like a champ and lives up to his motto, "NEVER GIVE UP!" every day of his life.

He is even dearer to my heart because he is a runner, too. And I often think about him running in track meets the day after chemo when I am out there wanting to quit on a long run. It helps to keep things in perspective for me.

Matthew's mom keeps a website for him. Matthew loves to read the messages that people leave for him, so will you please help me make Matthew's birthday special by going to his website and leaving him a birthday wish in the guestbook!!

**link removed**

Thanks!!

Also...

My vacation was wonderful and I will give an update, complete with pictures, later in the week!

Giving In

2007-02-07T07:01:00.000-05:00

I have been resisting turning on the word verification for comments for over a year now. But, I just received 4 spam comments in less than 24 hours. So, I'm joining the masses and am giving in.

I hope it helps!

I have a new blogger question for all of you computer experts out there! In the old blogger, I was able to put a list of links in the side bar, but also include regular text that wasn't part of the link. For example, I had a list of my up coming races, each with a link to the race website, followed by the date of the race that was not part of the link - just regular text. I can't find a way to do this with the new blogger. Am I missing something? Please help!

I leave for the Bahamas late tonight! I can't wait. I'm hoping to return less stressed and ready to start training for my half marathon in May!

Happy Running!

I Can't Juggle

2007-01-31T23:18:00.000-05:00

*Warning - This is mostly just random ranting.*

Have you ever had one of those experiences where you feel like you are standing outside of yourself watching something happen in slow motion. And you should be able to reach out and stop it, but you just can't?

Yeah.

That's what my life feels like.

I have so many things going on, and I'm trying to juggle them all and keep all the balls up in the air. And I feel like I am finally loosing my grip on it all. I feel like I am standing on the side line, watching myself fumble with the balls. I want to stop them from falling, but I just can't. And as of a few days ago, I think every single one of them has gone crashing to the ground.

I keep saying that I feel like someone/something has a hold of each of my arms and legs and are pulling in different directions. I can't keep up with it all and I just want it to stop!

I had two of the worst days ever at work back to back, and I swear I want to crawl under a rock and never go back! Sometimes people are just so unbelievably rude and they act like they own me and my time. Like I don't have a life outside of the office and I should be at their beck and call every second of every day. Someone came in last Wednesday, without an appointment I might add, and requested that I research something for them. I had a hard time finding the information - which I did on my own time FROM HOME, and when I called her on Monday morning she had the nerve to say, "I wondered if you were ever going to call me." ARGH! And I wish I could say that was the worst of it, but it doesn't even come close!

The group of friends that I hang out with is suffering a major riff and I feel caught in the middle. I'm trying not to choose sides over it, but it's hard because I have a strong opinion about who is at fault. I'm also catching some back lashing directed at me, and I'm not even sure what it is all about. But instead of addressing it with me, the individuals involved are ignoring me. I'm so tired of it I just want to throw up my hands and walk away. But I can't because these people are my boyfriend's life long friends. It is inevitable that I am going to see them on a regular basis forever. But, how do you fix a problem with someone who is refusing to talk to you?

I'm in the middle of finishing my basement and I feel like I have a second full time job trying to deal with that. I'm surprised that Home Depot and Lowe's haven't started charging me rent because I think I'm there more than at my house. My parents are the ones doing the work, and I feel guilty that I haven't been helping, but I just don't have the time. And we are in a mad rush to try to get it done before my parents leave in a few weeks on vacation for a month and I get my house reappraised for a new mortgage in May.

The taxes for my corporation are due by March 15 and I have been working like a mad women trying to gather all my paperwork for my appointment with my accountant on Friday.

My honored hero from when I ran Indy with TNT, had a big scare about a possible relapse last week, and it frightened me so much. I have stayed in touch with him and his family and I can't stand the thought of more heart ache and tragedy for them! Thank goodness, the tests came back ok, but it was a long week waiting for the doctors to know what was going on.

One of my oldest and dearest friends adopted a little boy from Vietnam this past summer and he just had his first birthday on Christmas Eve. They are finding out that he has a lot of health issues and is deaf. I'm heart broken for him and for them and all that they are dealing with. I can hear the sadness and defeat in my friend's voice every time I talk to her and it breaks my heart. It has been such a long road for her getting to this point, and I feel so sad for her and the road that lies ahead.

I can't see my office desk or floor. I got behind with my life back over the holidays when I was so sick and I still haven't got caught back up. My New Year's resolution this year was to try to stop procrastinating. And I've actually been doing pretty well with it. But I started the year so far in the hole that I couldn't see day light, and I'm just now starting to climb back out of it.

With everything that is going on, I haven't even thought about running. And I feel guilty because of it. And I know that running would probably make a world of difference in my mental state. But right now just trying to find the time to fit in one more thing makes me want to sit down and bawl my eyes out. So, it's just gonna have to wait.

And then I read Mouse's Blog and feel like a total shit because my problems are nothing compared to what she is dealing with! I really need to gain some perspective on what is really important.

But I just don't have the time.

Where, oh where, is that fast forward button for life???

I leave for vacation one week from today. If I don't have a mental break down before then.

One week!!

Which is probably adding to my stress because I have even more on my plate trying to get ready to leave. But you won't find anyone more in need of a vacation than I right now!

And the training schedule will get posted on the fridge, and I'll hit the ground running as soon as I get home.

Until then, I think I'm just going to leave the balls where they fell, get in bed, pull the covers over my head, and refuse to come out until next week when it's time to get on the plane.

Movies

2007-01-23T21:13:00.000-05:00

I admit it. I'm a wimp.

I hate cold weather!

So, I spend a lot of time running inside on my treadmill during the winter months.

Conveniently, directly in front of my treadmill sits a TV.

Happily, this TV is connected to a DVD player.

So, to distract myself from the monotony of running, yet going no where, I usually entertain myself by watching movies. I have recently bought quite a few new movies, but I have also been spending a lot of time watching them. So, I'm getting bored with them already.

I've been thinking about joining Netflix or Blockbuster Total Access.

I was wondering if anyone out there in blog land is a member of either of these, and if you would recommend them.

Thanks!

Training Schedule

2007-01-16T23:49:00.000-05:00

I have a schedule!!

For once it actually wasn't too hard to come up with.

Probably because I have been thinking about it for a looonnnggg time!

I had it about halfway complete when I caught the cold that just wouldn't quit, followed by the bladder infection from hell, followed by yet another cold that is still lingering as I sit here, that caused me to rearrange my race plans and nix the idea of running the Sarasota half.

As usual, the schedule is my own made up concoction based on my work and life schedule along with my goals for the race. Of which there are only two:

1. Finish the race

2. Finish the race in 2:42:31 or less (making it a faster time than I ran last year at the Indy Mini)

I think that is doable if I just stick to a basic training schedule and get the miles in. So, that's the kind of schedule I have designed... one that will increase my mileage from what I ran while training for the Indy Half, without adding any of the speed stuff which I fear will make me hate the training.

The only thing I am going to add this time around is some hill training. Every running route I use ends with a gradual incline up the road to my house. And every run, I get half way back and start dreading that darn hill.

If it can even be called a hill.

It really is just a very gradual incline. But, I hate the fact that it feels like my shoes are filled with cement as soon as I hit it. So, I have decided that I need to do some hill work to battle that demon.

And just for jeanne, the new blogger is better than I expected. Many of the things that I observed and thought I would not like are options that I was able to change. I like some of the new choices for the layout design and it seems pretty user friendly for my computer unsavvy self. I like how the spell checker functions much better, and it even now recognizes blog as a
word.

Imagine that!

As to be expected, there were a few negatives... When I switched over it kicked out some of my side bar stuff and I have yet to add it back in, and for some reason I am unable to get my countdown counter to resume function. I have also apparently aged 218 years while I wasn't looking because my profile now shows me to be 250 years old.

But, damn do I look good for my age!

Blogiversary

2007-01-14T21:46:00.000-05:00

My one year blogiversary was this past week. The day came and went and somewhere in the back of my mind was the thought that I started my blog a year ago. But, I was so insanely busy with the rest of my life that I didn't take the time to look it up to be sure. I looked over the weekend, and sure enough... my first post was on January 10, 2006.

Many things in my life slip by so quickly that when the anniversary rolls around I find myself saying, "I can't believe it's been a year since I..."

But not this time. For some reason the time I've spend keeping my blog hasn't slipped by unnoted and unnoticed. I don't know if it is because many of my posts are filled with the results of my soul searching, and therefore are memorable to me. Or if it simply because keeping my blog is something that I enjoy so much.

There have been a few times through the past year that I thought about giving up my blogging. Like when I injured my ankle and stopped running, or when life has just gotten so busy I feel lucky to find time to pay the bills, now yet be able to find enough time to put some thoughts down "on paper". But, I keep coming back again and again.

It's ironic, because my intent for starting this blog bears no relationship to my reasons for continuing it.

I set out blogging as a means to keep my friends and family up to date on my fundraising and training efforts for Team in Training.

But, the level of support that I have gotten from the RBF has been incredible, and is what has kept me coming back.

I don't know any individuals in my "real life" that run. My family doesn't run. None of my friends run. I was unable to really participate much with the group trainings when I was involved with TNT because I work every Saturday morning. And for the same reason, I've never made an attempt to join the local running club. So, I haven't met any new local running friends. So, I run solo. And I'm ok with that for the actual pounding the pavement part, but I do need support.

In my world, I can sense the mental eye rolling every time I announce that I have decided to start training for a new race. I can feel the thoughts going through every one's mind. The people who know me, but aren't affected by my training, start thinking, "Here she goes again. She's insane." And the ones who are affected by the training start in with, "Oh great. Here we go again. She's going to turn into the training nazi... with the early nights, and earlier mornings; with the no more drinking until the race is over; with the "No, I can't. I have to run." response when asked to do something; with the constant babble about shoes and gear and diet and hydration and carbs and pace and weather.

And I'm not trying to say that my friends and family aren't supportive. But they are supportive in a "Oh, that's cool if it's what you want to do." kind of way. As in an acceptance of the running, because they love and accept me.

But they don't "Get IT."

I blog because all of you wonderful, marvelous, (and slightly insane) fellow runners out there... all of you "Get IT."

And for that I say Thank You. A huge heartfelt Thank You. For the support, for the advise, for the validation, and for keeping me coming back for more.

Happy Blogiversary to me and Happy Running to all of you!

Taking the Plunge

2007-01-11T18:52:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm finally joining the ranks and switching to the new blogger.

I was holding off because I wasn't too crazy about some of the things I was experiencing when trying to comment on every else's blogs, but now that blogger is out of beta, I figure I'd have to switch eventually anyway.

So, here's to a new year on the new blogger.

And for those of you that have been wondering, Running Rabbit is not lost. She just changed her URL. I've updated the link on the side of my blog... just click and there she is...along with all of her colorful and descriptive posts.

I'm So Excited.....

2007-01-07T17:32:00.000-05:00

and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think...

Whoops, sorry about that. I got a little carried away there!

Talk about perfect timing.

Talk about fate.

Talk about destiny.

The boyfriend and I have been talking about going on vacation together for a long time.

Like, for over 2 years, long.

And I finally decided that enough was enough. We were going. SOON!

So, I sat down at my trusty computer and searched until I found THE PERFECT vacation...

A 4 night cruise to the Bahamas, that just so happens to coincide with the world's most wonderful boyfriend's 29th birthday. (Yes, I'm older than him!)

I would have loved to make it a surprise, but I wasn't quite sure how I was going to manage to request vacation time for him. So, I pretty much had to tell him so he could put in the request.

So, the cruise was booked on January 2. Then...

On January 3, I decided that I was running the Bayshore Half. I wasn't positive where the training would fall with the cruise, but I figured I'd just make it work. I'd run circles around the deck or run on the treadmill, and cheat the days a bit to do the long runs before and after. And I'd decided that, while it might come close to killing me to not partake of copious amounts of alcohol while on the cruise, I was willing to make the sacrifice to be able to do both things.

Then yesterday, I got out the calendar so I could start figuring up a training schedule. And guess what ....

We get back from the cruise on a Tuesday, and I will start "official" training the next Monday.

Can't get more perfect than that!

It was just meant to be.

Woo Hoo!

Warped Sense of Reality

2007-01-04T12:36:00.000-05:00

I was talking to the boyfriend last night and told him the big announcement.

I explained to him that I was ready to start running again. I told him how I had been missing it, and wanted to get back to it. I said how much happier I feel when I am running, and I just feel like a better person.

Then I said that I was going to do something small because I'm not ready to commit to another marathon just now. I can just feel that deep down I'm not ready yet and I'd rather wait it out than commit too early and be unsuccessful a second time.

So, then he asked me what I was going to run. And I told him that I had signed up for the Bayshore half.

And his response was basically.. "A half marathon?!?! You're going to run another half marathon?"

I guess we have different ideas of what constitutes a small race. I think he was expecting me to tell him that I signed up for a 5K.

We runners have a warped sense of reality!

Bring It On

2007-01-03T22:45:00.000-05:00

I'm back!

It's been an agonizing past five months for me.

Suffering the ankle injury back in July, and having to bow out of running the Chicago Marathon was crushing for me.

I had finally... finally ... found the determination to reach for my long time dream of completing a marathon only to have it come crashing to an end before I really even got going. And something inside of me just cracked, and I quit. I basically just shrugged my shoulders and walked away because it hurt too much to do anything else.

But then the quitting hurt, too. I'm not a quitter! I could never have gotten to where I am in my life with the mentality of a quitter. When things get tough, I don't walk away. I grit my teeth, dig in my heels, and come out swinging.

So, why the different attitude now?

Something seemed to change in me the day I had to quit training for Chicago. I'm not good at failure. I've spent a life time avoiding things that I'm afraid I won't be good at, so I don't have to admit to failing at something. And failing at my first attempt at a full marathon was tough for me to deal with. I had a hard time internalizing it. I had a hard time admitting to the defeat. And I think I lost my confidence along the way, and to be perfectly honest I'm still not up for a second try.

But I have reached the point where the quitting is worse than the failing, and that says a lot. Quitting on something that I love just feels wrong. Missing something so badly and denying myself from doing it doesn't make any sense.

I failed.

SO WHAT!

So, after licking my wounds, and feeling sorry for myself, and sulking for the past 5 months. I'm ready to dust myself off and hit the ground running.

And even though I'm still suffering from a bruised ego and a lack of confidence. And even though I'm not ready to stare down the marathon demon. Yet.

I am ready to run again!

I miss it more than words can say, and I can't wait to get back out there and start training again.

So, I've picked a race!!

Yep, you heard me. I've finally made a decision about what's next for this runner girl.

Drum Roll, Please.....

I will be running the Bayshore Half Marathon in Traverse City, Michigan on May 26, 2007.

Bring It On, Baby!

Merry Christmas

2006-12-23T21:47:00.000-05:00

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Wraps them.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Sometimes.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Whenever I get around to it. I have no set time.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Creamed Chicken.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Don't really have one.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I don't remember. I guess it wasn't too traumatizing to me.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes, all of them. My family has always exchanged our gifts on Christmas Eve. Christmas Morning was just for Santa.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? With old and new ornaments that I like and bring back memories.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? HATE IT!!!

12. Can you ice skate? Barely.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Nope.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Nothing really. I'm not all that fond of the holidays.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? There is no way I could pick just one! Baking is really the only thing I actually enjoy about this season.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Nothing really.

17. What tops your tree? A star.

18. Which do you prefer Giving or Receiving? Giving.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Don't have one.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? I can take them or leave them.

Can't Catch a Break!

2006-12-20T23:53:00.000-05:00

So, I finished up my round of antibiotics on Monday night.

Only to start another one last night.

Yep, that's right.

I'm still sick.

Now it is with a bladder infection; which, I must say, is much more horrific and painful than anything I have experienced in a long time.

Please let this thing go away very very soon.

Until then, you will find me in the bathroom, as it has become my new home since I now have to pee every 30 seconds.

Well, Finally!

2006-12-16T15:37:00.000-05:00

Those of you following along for the long term will remember the post months ago about my weight loss efforts. I haven't given up, but it's been slow going!

I'm happy to report that I FINALLY crossed over to that 10 pounds lost mark.

GO me!

I'm not sure how much of the credit I can really take since it is mostly a result of being so sick. I haven't actually eaten anything other than soup and crackers for about 3 weeks, but I'll take it anyway it comes.

And to make life even sweeter, I'm feeling much better. Only 2 more days of antibiotics left, and I can breath again. Almost. At least one side of my nose is functional. And it no longer sounds like I am days away from coughing up a lung.

Things. They are a lookin' up!

Still Sick!

2006-12-04T00:53:00.000-05:00

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth!

But, this cold seems to have taken hold and I just can shake it. Just when I thought I was getting better, it seems to be getting worse again.

So for now, I'm just taking it easy and trying to recover. I've put everything else on the back burner, and I'm going to wait until I'm feeling better to make any decisions about when I'm going to start training again, and what race I'm going to do.

Until then, my cross training will consist of stopping my running nose, coughing up a storm, taking my medication, and changing the TV channel.

The Blahs

2006-11-24T12:59:00.000-05:00

Everyone seems to be suffering from a case of the blahs lately.

Almost every blog I visit seems to be filled with words about lack of motivation and slacking on the running front.

Which I suppose is good in some small way, because it makes me feel less guilty about the fact that I am doing the same.

I'm still trying to come up with the perfect training plan, with no luck so far.

I'm a slow runner, so I really don't like the idea of running by time instead of miles. Run 30 min... etc, etc. I can't even run 3 miles in 30 minutes. I'm afraid I would end up losing out on the long runs. So, I've basically eliminated those as options.

And I'm a pretty simple runner.... put on the shoes and go until I can't go any more or until I've reached the scheduled mileage for the day. I'm really not up to trying to figure out what a tempo run, and race pace run, etc would be for me. My goal is to not die half way through the race. I don't have a pace other than keep moving the best I can. So, I've ruled out all the complicated training schedules.

Which pretty much leaves me with the basic run so many miles on such and such a day. But then those schedules never end up meshing with my work schedule and I end up changing them all around. Plus I seem to fall some where in between the beginner and intermediate level, with one being too easy and the other running too many days to fit in my crazy life.

I seem to end up using some put together training schedule that I make up on my own based on my work and life schedule. It is often a combination of several different training schedules, and it seems to work with my life and my ability level. But then, I certainly am not an expert, and really don't know what I am doing. So I wonder if I should really be doing this? Is it going to help me ever get better? Then again, do I even care?

And to top it all off, I'm sick. Happy Thanksgiving to me. I'm not surprised. I get sick every year for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. And of course I had a wonderful fun filled weekend planned, and now I think I'm going to be spending it on the couch with a kleenex attached to the faucet that used to be my nose.

*Sigh*

The Contenders

2006-11-15T23:46:00.000-05:00

I have a plan.

I think.

Here is what I really want to do....

Run the Sarasota half marathon on March 4, 2007.

And then possibly run the Bayshore half marathon on May 26th, 2007.

Obviously, this means that training must commence immediately for a race at the beginning of March.

So the tentative plan is to pick a training schedule and hit the road. I'm hoping that my ankle is willing to go along for the ride without complaint.

It has been feeling perfect for the past few weeks, but I haven't exactly been running very consistently, either.

So, I'm just going to start training and see what happens. The Sarasota race appears to be a smaller race that isn't in danger of selling out. They even have a price listed for registration at the expo, so that's a good sign that I'll be able to get in!

If the ankle is doing well, I'll sign up by December 31st before the cost jumps up.

If the ankle and I have a difference of opinion, then I am going to lay off the training, and consider one of these races instead....

the Kentucky Derby half marathon or Country Music half marathon which are both on April 28, 2007 and then eliminate the Bayshore half as an option and consider it next year.

And if all else fails, and the ankle still isn't up to par by April, then I'll plan on just doing the Bayshore half.

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

Unless I decide to change my mind, of course.

Queen of Indecision

2006-11-12T18:04:00.000-05:00

I've turned into a total slug! My current exercise regimen for the past week has consisted of walking to the fridge and uploading pictures to my myspace page.

Not exactly productive, but there you have it.

I need to pick a spring race! I need to have a race to start training for.

I need a schedule to follow!!

But...

I just can't seem to make up my mind about which race to do.

Do I want to run a large race? or a small one?
Do I want to run one close by? or make a vacay out of it?
Do I want to run a race I've already done? or pick a new one?
Do I want to run a race with a lot of RBFers? or go it solo?
Do I want to pick a flat course? Or am I up for the challenge of hills?

There are just so may choices. And this runnergirl seems to have turned into the queen of indecision.

Ugh.

Need Some Motivation?

2006-11-03T18:33:00.000-05:00

4.5 Miles and nothing from my ankle.

Not. A. Peep.

The blisters, however, were screaming loud and clear. But another few weeks and my precious calluses will be back. Then all will be right with my world.

I have decided that Tomb Raider is the all time best movie to run to. It may not be winning an Academy Award any time soon. But it's a pretty darn good motivator.

Seriously, what female doesn't want to look like Angelina Jolie? Who wouldn't kill for those thighs? Who wouldn't want to ride a motorcycle like Lara Croft? Not to mention fight like she does?

Don't believe me? Rent the movie and just try not to be motivated to keep moving during the first scene.

Bet you can't do it.

Now What?

2006-11-02T08:13:00.000-05:00

So, it appears that my ankle is on its way to a full recovery. I can feel it if I push too hard, but in general it's been doing a-okay.

So that leads to the question...Now what?

I'm itching to start training for something. I'm getting pretty restless just sitting around doing nothing for the past 3 months. Plus my house is clean and my chores are all done, so I need something to occupy myself with.

Someone remind me I said this when I'm in the middle of training and everything has fallen apart again!

So, it's time to make a plan for spring. At this point, I'm only considering halfs. I don't think I'm up to the challenge of training for my first full marathon coming straight off of this injury. IF all goes well, I'm considering shooting for a full in the fall.

So, Here is the list of races under consideration:

The ING Georgia half marathon in Atlanta on March 25, 2007.

The Country Music half marathon in Nashville on April 28, 2007.

The Indy Mini on May 5, 2007 is an option, but probably my last choice since I did it last year. I'd like to see and do something different.

Another option I've been tossing around is the Bayshore half marathon in Traverse City, Michigan on May 26, 2007. I like that area of Michigan and haven't been up there in a while and I've always wanted to do this race.

A few RBFers might run the Martian half in Northville, Michigan which appears to be on April 1, 2007 and I've been considering that as well.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Comments? Let me hear 'em.

Mama's Got A New Pair of Shoes

2006-11-01T00:29:00.000-05:00

With 4 pain free miles on them.

Cha-Ching!

The longest pain free run to date.

Well....

Except for the blisters, that is.

Start over sucks!

Happy Halloween!

2006-10-31T07:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Hauntings, everyone! The pic is from last year. Our halloween party for this year isn't until this weekend.

Now, don't go sneaking your kids candy when they aren't looking!

Invasion of the RBF

2006-10-26T23:58:00.000-05:00

Firefly is one of the most diligent RBFers when it comes to reading and comment on others blogs. Rarely a post goes by where she doesn't leave me a comment, and it is very unusual to not see her name among the top of the comment list on every blog I read. She is great at motivating everyone else and she rocks.

Recently, she left this comment on my blog. Here's the part pertaining to the topic of this post...

"As I am going this crazy ankle incident, my mind freaked and thought of what you went through with your ankle stuff. This gives me the strength to stay off of my feet and listen to doc's orders."

and I felt honored and surprised that she actually thought of me in her "real life", outside of reading my blog.

But it shouldn't be surprising because many members of the RBF have invaded my life. Not just my running life, but my "life" life.

But I wasn't aware of just how much until just a few short nights ago.

I actually had a dream that Mouse and I were on our way to a race, and got a flat tire just as we were about to pull into the parking lot. We could see the runners heading toward the starting line and knew the race was about to start so we just left the car where it was and took off toward the start.

I've never even met her! And I'm dreaming about being late to the start of a race with her.

I have no explanation where the dream came from, but I do love her. She, more than any other, gives me hope. She once wrote a post stating that running 10 miles was no longer hard for her. And as a concept I get that, because running one, or maybe two miles, is no longer hard for me.

But 10? I live for the day!

And because of her I believe it is possible.

It's insane I tell you. This invasion of the RBF.

And she's not the only one. There are so many more.....

One of the first, and still a favorite is, little miss runner pants. She makes me laugh, and has, on occasion, made me cry, reading about her crazy antics and her never ending determination. And I find myself looking forward to her next post about her crazy weekend or her excitement over her newest bike accessory.

Another of the first was Trizilla, who is among the most inspiring! This girl never gives up, no matter what the challenge facing her, and her ability to write a race report makes you feel like you were on the course with her every step of the way. When I am having a tough run, she sometimes pops into my mind and helps me grit my teeth and get through it.

Mike and Lisa hold a special place in my heart because they remind me of home, and through them I get to hear about my old haunts. And also because I have so much enjoyed following along with them on their training adventures for the Chicago Marathon. I look forward to eventually getting my butt back home for a race and actually getting to meet them.

Liv is just plain awesome, and hysterical to boot. She has an energy that is contagious. And she gets my sense of humor. I mean, she got my toilet paper joke in the middle of my pity party. And because of a post of hers about an awesome running poster she bought, I now own the same one. (Sorry, Liv, I'm a copy cat - but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, as they say.)

Jess keeps me smiling with tales of running with her adorable dog, Scooter. And makes me miss having a dog, and think about getting another one.

And then there is Running Jayhawk. Where do I even begin? I'd think we were long lost twins separated at birth, except I'm 7 years older than she is, almost to the day. She shares my love of carrot cake, she runs the same pace as I do, and many of her posts ring so true to me, that I could have written them myself. Not being able to meet her was one of my main disappointments about not being able to run the Chicago Marathon.

There as so, so many more.... Jelly, Yumke, Sunshine, Running Rabbit, Tara, Sonia, Nicole, Running by, OOSG, teacherwoman, just to name a few. It would take me all night to list everyone.

So, I just wanted to send a huge hug and a big thanks out to each and every one of you. You have more of an impact than you could possibly realize.

Spilling of the Guts

2006-10-24T13:24:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm sure that everyone has noticed that I've gone MIA recently. I've been reading and commenting, but I haven't been posting. I just haven't had anything to say lately.

I'm mildly depressed over the Chicago Marathon coming and going without me. It was supposed to be my race, Damn It! Who wrote the effing rules, and decided that I didn't get to play? So, I spent the entire day Sunday checking everyone's progress in between feeling sorry for myself that I wasn't there running, too.

I kept feeling like a quitter and wondering if I could have done something to run it anyway. And then kept trying to remind myself that every time I tried to run for the first month after the injury I literally couldn't walk for two days. But my mind was still full of the what if I had.... thoughts.

And I've been checking everyone's blogs like a drug addict needing a fix. I need to read everyone's race reports so I can live vicariously through everyone who did run it!

So my disappearance is a result of regret and self pity over not being able to run the marathon combined with all of the following...

My weight loss is at a stand still and I haven't been running, so what is there to say, really?

Oh sure, I've lost weight. Probably about 40 lbs by now. But it hasn't been 40 consecutive lbs. Instead, I just keep gaining and losing the same 3 lbs over, and over,

and over.

So for the past month now I have been stuck in the same place. I just can't quite kick myself over that 10 lbs lost mark. I keep knocking on its door, but it's just not letting me in. So, I persevere in my attempts to regain my wardrobe, one item at a time.

And I'm not running. I have no real excuse. If I get right down to the truth, I've just been lazy.

But beyond that, much beyond that, is that I'm finding myself in a strange place.

I seem to be in this weird nesting phase. I have this fire under my butt to clean and organize every square inch of my house. And I am stocking up on everything from shampoo to napkins to Campbell's soup. I could get snowed in until April and never have the need to visit a store.

I may not need to buy toilet paper again until the next century!

And I know this is a weird place to be, but it's where I'm at right now. I admit that I am a neat freak, but this is getting ridiculous even for me!

In the past few weeks I have cleaned every room of my house, vacuumed under all the furniture, organized my closet, cleaned my oven, scrubbed the stains from the carpet.

I've even changed the dirt in all of my plants.

I wish I was kidding.

I think all of this is coming from some external circumstances affecting my mental stability. Controlling my surroundings seems to be my way of trying to grab onto something and hold on tight, when it is being thrown in my face over and over again how little control I really have over things.

As a child, I grew up in a great neighborhood where everyone knew everyone, etc. etc. There was a large group of kids that hung out together that was about ten years older than I was, and than there was another group about my age that I was part of, plus a handful of kids in between the two age groups. So, I knew the older kids, but wouldn't call them my "friends".

So, time goes on we all grow up, blah, blah, blah. And two of the "kids" from the older group become friends with my dad. We will call them TB and RF. So, those two, plus a few other guys spend a lot of time together in the upper peninsula of Michigan snowmobiling almost every weekend and staying at an apartment that they rented together. So, because my dad got to know these two guys better, so did I.

Time goes on, things change. TB and RF get married, have kids. My parent's buy their house in the U.P. and my dad no longer needs to rent the apartment since he now lives up there. Blah, Blah.

But, the group of guys stays in touch, and through my parents I hear about them, and see them on occasion. I really like both of them, as they are good guys, and a lot of fun.

On Father's Day of this year, as the result of an accident, my parents and I attended the funeral of the younger brother of RF. He was electrocuted fixing his boat. He was only 38. It sucked and it was hard, but it was a weird freak accident, and accidents happen. Plus, I knew RF, the older brother, not the younger one. So, I was there for moral support mostly.

At the funeral of RF's younger brother, TB looked awful. Had lost a lot of weight, poor coloring, etc. And it was explained that he had just gotten out of the hospital with a bought of pancreatitis. I was skeptical, but took the explanation at face value.

A few weeks later, we got a call that TB, in fact, had pancreatic cancer with only a few months to live. He was 42.

So, the summer goes by and the younger brother enters my mind on occasion. He was so young! Only 6 years older than me. What if I only have 6 more years to live? Am I doing what I want with my life? Am I wasting time? Am I doing what I need to do to reach my goals? Blah. Blah.

TB enters my mind. Cancer. At age 42. That's just wrong. WRONG! Did you hear me? WRONG I SAY! He has two young sons. He's a great guy. He has dealt with so much emotional pain in his life, and so much physical pain from past health problems. He doesn't deserve this!!

Then back in August... Remember this post, where I was discussing getting my hair cut? Well, I went into the salon that day. And I'm standing in line to check in and I see a note posted to the desk stating that one of the girls in the salon, that I know extremely well, had suffered a stoke, at the age of 39, one week after giving birth to her second child. She was undergoing rehab and they did not know if or when she would be returning to work. So, my head is already spinning from this news and I get up to the desk and tell the receptionist my name and who I'm there to see, only to be told that my hair stylist was not in because her 39 year old husband had just been killed in a car accident a few days before. In a matter of 2 minutes time I find out that 2 people that I knew very well, just suffered major tragedies at the ripe old age of 39. My head was reeling for days and I didn't know what to do.

Fast forward to my birthday in September, where I turn 32. Repeat re-evaluation of life. How the hell did I get so old? Where did the years go? Am I where I want to be? Is there something I want to change? What do I really want out of life? Blah, Blah.

On October 11, I attended TB's funeral. The funeral of a 42 year old, stolen away by cancer. Leaving behind a 12 year old and a 7 year old. I sobbed. I was in shock. And I'm still reeling.

I can't get it out of my head. What if tomorrow is my last day? What if I only have 1 more year?

It may seem odd, that I'd want to spend that last day or week cleaning and shopping. But I think it is my strange way of trying to gain some control over something. Anything. And the stocking up is my way of reassuring myself that tomorrow will come. Because who can die when they have 300 rolls of unused toilet paper, right?

So, to say the least, my head's not in the game. But it will be. I promise you that.

In the back of my mind the wheels are a churin' and the gears are a grinidin', and I'm pondering over what this runnergirl is going to start training for next. It's a small quiet hum right now, but it'll be get gettin' louder and soon I won't be able to ingore it any more.

Chicago Marathoners...

2006-10-18T12:11:00.000-05:00

GOOD LUCK this weekend!

And don't forget you rock! You have worked so hard training all season and I know that you are all going to do awesome. So go out there and kick some Chicago Marathon butt.

I wish I could be there with you, but I'll be cheering each of you on from here. I can't wait to read all of the race reports!

Boo Yah!

2006-10-04T19:42:00.000-05:00

3.5 miles before a mild ankle twinge got me to stop.

I rock.

Seeking Advise

2006-10-04T11:47:00.000-05:00

Calling all runners...

This means EVERYONE, even you lurkers out there.

I need some help.

My ankle IS going to get better.

(please, oh please let it be soon!)

And when that happens I'm going to need a race in mind. I'm thinking that I want to do another half marathon in the spring/early summer 2007, because even if the ankle takes the whole 6 months to recover, there will still be time to train for it.

So, come on guys.... show me some love and toss me some ideas.

The Beginning

2006-10-03T08:11:00.000-05:00

2.15 miles.

No ankle pain.

Woo Hoo!

(And please... don't anyone ask why I stopped after only 2.15 miles if my ankle wasn't hurting! Because then I'd have to admit that I stopped because I was tired and mentally I'm just not ready to go there.)

The New Plan

2006-10-02T13:26:00.000-05:00

The current status of the ankle is that I can run 2 - 3 miles before it kicks in. If I stop as soon as the pain starts, there is no residual effect. But, I am unable to run farther than that no matter how much I might want to.

I was hoping by now to have some idea of when I could start really training again! I've been wanting to pick a race and get back in the game.

I realize I'm being overly anxious and extremely impatient, as the doctor said 3 - 6 months recovery, and it's been a little over 2....

but I can't help it!

I'm anxious to get back to running again. But, at the same time I am busy. So, without a training schedule to follow, I haven't been doing much of anything. I have decided that I need some extra motivation to get me moving again. So I have given myself a new goal, and a new plan.

So far this year I have ran just under 350 miles.

The goal...

By 11:59 PM on December 31, 2006, I want to have made it 500 miles.

The plan...

If I divide it out evenly it works out to be 11.5 miles a week. I think that is manageable, and if I struggle a little on the front end, I'm hoping the ankle will be better healed in the later weeks and I can make it up.

I'm also going to FINALLY get myself that new pair of shoes in the next week or two.

So, wish me luck. Call me names. Give me a guilt trip. Bribe me. Resort to blackmail. Whatever it takes to help push along on my new path!

Here's to having a new goal!

Priorities

2006-09-27T23:58:00.000-05:00

Ok, campers..........are you sitting down?

If not, I suggest you take a seat, because you are about to be shocked.

I am writing a post in my running blog, that actually has something to do with running.

Imagine that.

Tonight I had a meeting for work. We went to dinner and listened to a lecture about contact lenses. Surprisingly, the lecture was extremely well prepared and informative. And the dinner was amazing. It was held at one of the best restaurants in town, where two people are lucky to sneak by with a bill less than $100. So, of course I had to take advantage of the fact that someone else was footing the bill!

I managed to forgo the wine and appetizers.

I even avoided the bread.

But my meal was to die for, and no sane person would have left a bite of that decadent chocolate dessert on their plate!

So, I rolled out of there feeling like I needed a wheelbarrow to get me to my car and my pants felt like the seam was in danger of splitting the whole ride home!

I decided that I had to try to burn off at least a few of the calories...

I do have a bridesmaid dress to fit into on Saturday, after all.

So, I thought I'd blow the dust off the treadmill and give it a whirl.

And as an added bonus, I have significantly increased my DVD collection recently as a result of an extremely boring work project. I did a coupon mailing, and in a matter of a week's time, I labeled, stuffed, and sealed 3700 envelopes (with a little help). Talk about boring! So, as a reward, I decided to buy myself a ton of new movies to watch while I was working to help ward off some of the boredom.

So, I put in a DVD, hopped on the treadmill and took off. My goal was to go as far as I could before my ankle started in or I was going to pass out from exhaustion.

Starting out, I was more worried about my knee than my ankle. It has been hurting pretty much non-stop since the walking over Labor Day, and I was expecting it to kick in with some serious pain, but it never really got that bad.

I was going strong thinking that maybe the ankle was on it's way to recovery, but right as I hit the 2 mile mark it started in. I'm sure I could have kept going, but I decided not to push it.

I do have those 3 inch heels to wear at the wedding, after all.

And a girl has to have her priorities!!

Light the Night

2006-09-25T12:19:00.000-05:00

Last night I participated in the Light the Night walk with the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I'm not exactly sure how far we walked, but it was about 2 or 3 miles. I participated with Team "Never Give Up", which was lead by the mother of my first honored hero, Matthew. Our team was the top fundraising team that wasn't a corporate or school team. Yeah! This is a cause that has become very near and dear to me since first getting involved with Team in Training.

Matthew was there walking, along with my current honored hero, Greg, and his family. The cancer survivors carry white balloons, and the rest of us carry red ones. The balloons all light up, and are supposed to glow, but the walk started before it was dark out, so it kinda lost it's affect. It was still impressive to see all of the supporters out there, and very heart breaking to see all the young children with their white balloons. Sure makes you stop and think about all you have to be thankful for!

I must begrudgingly admit that the back of my legs and butt were slightly sore this morning when I woke up. I really must get back to doing something! Anything! It is really quite pathetic that a 2 or 3 mile WALK can make me sore these days. Next week, I plan on going out for another trial run. I just need to get on the other side of the wedding that I am in this coming Saturday the 30th and regain some sanity first!

The Best Gift Ever

2006-09-22T13:32:00.000-05:00

Today is my birthday.

I am approaching it with mixed feelings. Who doesn't like a day all about them? But, at the same time, I keep looking back at the last 15 years and wondering how I got here so fast. It feels like I was 18 just yesterday; now I'm not.

Not. even. close.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be 18 again. (Well, maybe there's a little part of me that wouldn't mind.) But I don't like watching the years slip by so quickly either!

At least I can say that I woke up to the best gift ever. Do you remember those pants I mentioned a few weeks ago?

You know, the ones I couldn't breathe in?

Yeah, those.

When I put them on this morning, not only could I breathe in them, they just slid right on up with no tugging, and zipped like magic.

The birthday gods love me!

Great Epiphany

2006-09-19T11:00:00.000-05:00

So, I'm sure many of you have noticed that I have been mum on the weight loss issue the last few weeks.

Yeah.

That would be because around about Labor Day, I just might have fallen off the wagon.

And I just might have gained back a few of the pounds that I had lost (ok - it was more like 5 of them).

But, I'm back on track now (once again lost 3 of those lbs)!

And I had a great epiphany over the weekend...

Needing/wanting to lose weight isn't necessarily a bad problem to have because it is one that I have the ability to change.

It is much better than say, secretly wanting to strangle a family member every time they ask you why you aren't skinnier when you run so much. Or possibly better than harboring a secret desire to throw your boss's computer out the window so he/she will stop sending you all those emails about late meetings that keep you from your runs.

I now have a new attitude. I'm looking at wanting to lose a few pounds as a good thing compared to numerous other issues that I want to change, but may not have it in my power to easily do so. At least I control what I eat, and have no one but myself to blame if I haven't been the epitome of health lately. But, I also can rely on myself to change that, and I feel good about that.

So, onward to battle that extra weight one little pound at a time!

A Farewell Letter

2006-09-17T20:17:00.000-05:00

My dearest calluses,

I know that our relationship is not what it used to be and I acknowledge that I have been neglecting you. I realize that I have been slipping in my efforts to maintain our friendship. I apologize profusely for this recent oversight, but you must agree that it wasn't always like this. Our relationship was a good one, built on a strong foundation.

I suffered through blister after blister during your painful development. I spent many cold miles working for you this past winter. And during the summer, I continued to nurture you, mile after sweaty mile.

Never once did I bemoan your appearance or visit the pedicurist demanding your removal. Instead, I displayed you proudly, as a badge that I had finally earned the right to carry.

And how do you repay me? You just up and disappear after 2 little months of neglect. It isn't like I meant to stop paying attention to you. It isn't like I purposely deserted you.

I don't understand how you can do this to me after all that we shared. Does our time together mean nothing to you? Do you not look back fondly on all those miles that we logged together?

I fear that by now your decision has been made and I will be unsuccessful in persuading you to remain.

This parting is such sweet sorrow. I will miss you terribly and I hope that your replacements will be equally as dedicated to protecting my feet during all those future miles.

Farewell my friends.

Your faithful companion,
runnergirl

Shameless Plug for Donations

2006-09-15T15:32:00.000-05:00

Since I can't run, and I have to do something with myself, I am participating in The Light The Night Walk to fundraise for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. The race is a 2 mile walk that will be held on September 24, 2006.

I am doing this because when I first got involved with TNT, my honored hero was this cutie, pictured here on his first day of high school!

And I feel in love with him and his family. I hate that he has been battling leukemia for the past 6 years, and that it has stolen away so much of his childhood. I want to do anything I can to help. His name is Matthew and you can read more about him here.

If anyone has some spare change burning a hole in their pocket and feel inclined to donate, you can do so here.

I hope everyone has a great weekend! Happy running.