OK, OK! I Hear You!

All I am hearing over and over is don't quit, don't give up.

The comment section and my email inbox is full of advise and encouragement, which is entirely appreciated, but making me feel guilty at the same time. Like I am just tossing in the towel without any thought or effort to resolve things.

And maybe I am.

I am at an all time high in my frustration level. I just spent 3 months dealing with a knee injury. Hours of time, and hundreds of dollars, later and the physical therapy for it has left it better, but not great. It still hurts a little when I run. I still have to be careful to stretch and ice it. It still worries me a lot.

And now my ankle on my opposite leg is hurting. And honestly it's not the pain per se, as my pain tolerance is very high. It's that it is limiting my function.

Because I literally cannot walk.

I am limping around like an old crippled person and it is affecting my work. All day long my patients are asking me what's wrong with my leg. I have a job where I am standing on my feet all day, and one day last week I couldn't put any weight on my ankle. So I had to ask my staff to bring the patients back and forth to me. It slowed everything way down and we ended up getting behind schedule.

I was at a concert on Saturday night and stood up to try to dance and as soon as I started moving I had pain shooting through my ankle. Luckily we were still in the isle in front of the seats so my swaying back and forth without moving my feet wasn't too noticeable, but it would have been obvious something was wrong if I was on a dance floor.

I've been working on my landscaping, and both my knee and ankle have been hurting while I've been kneeling down digging in the dirt to plant new bushes or while using the shovel to dig out the holes for the plants.

But mostly I'm scared.

These limitations scare me. It's one thing to run through some pain, but another to have it affect the rest of my life so drastically. If my knee and ankle start acting up at the same time, I won't have a leg to stand on!

And, I am trying to be realistic about what is going on. I'm trying to at least have a positive attitude to the effect that there will be other races and the world won't come to an end if I can't run Chicago.

So here is where things stand.....

I made another doctor's appointment for Thursday. I am going to take my x-rays along and see what a different doc has to say. I'm going to ask about a cortisone shot, even though I dread the thought of that for many reasons. Mostly because of my osteopenia. Bone loss and steroids don't exactly mix. But, I don't think one more will kill me. I am going to discuss a referral to an orthopedic specialist, and possibly more physical therapy. Ugh.

I'm going to go dig my bike out of my parent's garage, where I left it last summer after the one and only time I rode it, and see how my ankle feels while riding.

And, I just might consider dragging my butt to the gym and hitting the pool, but don't anyone hold their breath waiting for that one. I really hate swimming.

Don't get me wrong, I love to be in the water. And I actually do kinda know how to swim. My mom is a little afraid of the water, and since I grew up on a lake, she wanted to make sure I could swim. So, I took lessons at the YMCA for years, and years.

And years.

Get my drift? I think maybe all the lessons turned me off, because...

swimming? Hate it!

I hate putting my face in the water and trying to breath out the side as I turn my head. I never quite got the hang of that. I just ended up inhaling water and choking. Plus, with my bum shoulder, I have a limited range of motion and really can't get my right arm behind me. So, I'm not sure how well I'd do, but I actually have never tried it since then either.

I'll leave you with this.....

On Sunday, when I had my break down over my ankle, my poor boyfriend just happened to be here to witness it.

I pity him.

During later discussion on the matter he asked me, "Why don't you just run Chicago and see how far you can go? Just stop when you can't go any more."

I pretty much snapped his head off with my response, "That's just stupid! Why would I start a marathon knowing that I haven't trained enough to finish it? Knowing that I am going to quit part way through? How dumb! I'd rather just not start at all!"

But after I calmed down, I've been thinking about his suggestion, and maybe it's not such a bad one. I've already been wishing that Chicago was a race that had a half marathon option, because I'm pretty confident that I could miss a few training weeks and still do a half.

I've already spent the entry fee money and I can't get it back. Plus, I've already taken the days off of work for the race.

Not to mention that, I want to meet the RBF members that are running Chicago!

So what do you guys think? Is it stupid to run Chicago, knowing that I probably won't finish because of missing too much training for this ankle injury?