Tuesday, May 15, 2007


Life is Ironic. It's full of inconsistencies and contradictions.

One minute I feel like I have it all figured out. The next I don't have a clue. Just when I finally feel like maybe my life is "settled", it throws me a curve ball. As soon as I think I know what I want, I change my mind. One day I feel like I'm soaring. The next I'm falling. I often bring it on myself, but I just can't help it.

I'm an analyzer.

I often wish I wasn't.

I think too much. I rarely accept things at face value. I never just live today without viewing what the consequences will be for tomorrow.

Usually, I believe that this keeps me on the track to happiness.

But, other times I wonder if ignorance really is bliss. And maybe if I analyzed less and thought less about my life, I could be ignorantly blissful.

I could take things at face value, and do what's easy, instead of what is probably right.

I could settle for what is in front of me, instead of worrying about what regrets that will lead to later on.

But that just isn't who I am. And I suppose that isn't who I want to be.

I never want to be the person that let's fear of the unknown keep them from trying things. And I certainly don't ever want the fear of change to keep me stuck some place that I shouldn't be.

So, I suppose I'm left with no choice but to sit and ponder my position.

I feel like I've been cruising along in my life the last few years happy as can be, and someone came along and yanked the rug out from under me, and I'm trying to catch my balance.

I'm reaching a point where I feel like I need to make some changes, but I don't know that I really want to. However, to ensure my future happiness, I believe that it is necessary. I think that if I sit here and passively let life happen, I'm going to wake up one day years from now and regret that I didn't take action now to try to get what I want and need from life.

Sometimes the toughest choices and the hardest things to get through, are the things that lead to real happiness in the end.

At least that's what I keep trying to remind myself.

I think that's part of why I love running so much. The training is hard, but crossing that finish line makes it all worth it.

Now, I'm trying to equate that to other areas of my life. The getting there may be hard, but hopefully the ultimate result will be happiness.


  1. uh, did you copy and paste this from inside my brain?!?

    no, yours was written much better.

    but i know EXACTLT how you feel.

  2. Very Zen and astute.

    i'm not here to offer a solution, just empathy and yep, being an overanalyzer, i totally get the feeling.

    Luckily, there are no wrong answers.

    Good luck, i like the new direction of the blog, and the idea of moving away from long-distance stuff.

    Sorry to be missing you at the Bayshore