Saturday, April 14, 2007

Mind Games

Yesterday evening's goal was to con myself into running 8 miles.

And I do mean con!

Two and a half hours before my designated "get on the treadmill" time (because I wasn't willing to actually call it my running time - I was just telling myself all I had to do was step on the treadmill and I was hoping the rest would take care of itself) found me happily sitting at my computer eating a brownie and drinking a glass of milk. (Left over from entertaining the previous evening)

Forty-five minutes to my designated treadmill time found me sitting at my computer shoveling in 2/3 of a pint of Ben and Jerry's. (Bought in a moment of weakness at Walmart the day before. But it was a new flavor and I just had to try it. I mean it's Ben & Jerry's! No one in their right mind would turn down a new flavor, RIGHT? It was the cinnamon bun one and it rocks, by the way!)

I so wish I was kidding, or even exaggerating slightly. But I'm not.

Is anyone out there starting to realize why I haven't managed to lose those 5 lbs yet?

Ten minutes to my treadmill time found me sitting on my closet floor, staring at my old running shoes sitting right there in front of me, and trying to convince myself to go get my new shoes out of my car.

Pretty sad, don't cha think? Hypothetically I'm about to run 8 miles and I'm too lazy to go get my shoes from the garage! So, I put on the old shoes, telling myself that I can always change them later if I need to.

I got on the treadmill, making the deal with myself that all I had to do was start and I could quit any time I wanted....

But I knew I never would.

I am a person that spends waaayyy too much time evaluating myself and my life. But the good side of that is that I know myself pretty well. And I knew that if I quit on the 8 miles, I was also quitting on the race. And I'm not ready to do that yet.

Because I'm not a quitter!

So, I knew the only choice was to compete the 8 miles or die trying. I just had to do it. Nothing else would be acceptable.

I spent the first 4 miles having a little chat with all of the protesters. I explicitly explained to my feet, ankles, calves, shins, knees, thighs, hips, shoulders, and lungs. That this endeavor in no way resembles a democracy. It is a dictatorship, through and through. And, therefore, they do NOT get a vote regarding the miles that would be ran for the next 6 weeks. They would do as they were instructed without complaint or there would be hell to pay.

And for the most part they actually listened. I did not hear a peep out of either knee, for the first time in months. Which leads me to wonder if it is the current shoes inducing the new left knee issues. Guess I'll just have to try a few runs in the old shoes and a few in the new ones, and see if I can figure it out.

I spent the last 4 miles trying to convince myself that I wasn't dying.

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