Thursday, March 9, 2006

Can I Do This?

Today was the first day since I began my training that I actually starting doubting my ability to complete this run. When I got started, I though that the fundraising was going to be the difficult part and that the training would be a breeze. I mean, I have run for years. Maybe not a lot and maybe not consistently, but it isn't something that is new to me. Plus, I've always bounced back fairly easily after the breaks I've taken. Boy oh boy was I naive! The fundraising turned out to be much easier than I had anticipated. The training, however, seems to be another story. I actually couldn't complete my run today and I feel like a total failure. It isn't like me to quit, but I had to. Today was long run day, and this week's long run is supposed to be 4-6 miles. I was actually looking forward to the run today. I've been feeling very overwhelmed and stressed and I thought it would be nice to go out and run and escape it all for a while. I put some new songs on my mp3 player and set out to run 6 miles, but I only made it 3.25. It was all I could do to make it that far. I felt like I just couldn't go one more step. Of course it was raining out, and I felt wet and water logged and my clothes felt heavy and rough rubbing against me. My legs felt so tight, like rubber bands stretched to their limit and about to snap. I even stopped once in the middle of my run to try stretching but it only helped for a few minutes. I tried everything I could think of to keep myself going, but it just didn't happen. Not even AC/DC could keep me moving, and that always works! I wanted to sit down on the side of the road and cry, but I was too tired. I knew if I sat I'd never get back up. I know that I haven't been doing very well outside of my running. I haven't been getting enough sleep. I haven't been eating properly. I haven't been cross training like I should be - I've pretty much stopped going to the gym in lieu of running. I've been doing too much of my training on the treadmill and I certainly haven't been drinking my water like I should be. So, in honor of sending in my recommitment paperwork a few days ago, I am going to recommit to my training and try to do more off the road, to improve my performance on it. Tomorrow is a another day, and I don't know how the run could possibly be worse than it was onward and upward. Fundraising: $90 donated - Thanks Marlys, Kim, & Beta Sigma Phi Indiana Gamma Chapter!

Update 10:30 pm: My honored hero, Matthew, has a motto ~ Never Give Up! And I think those are great words to live by. If you really want something you have to just keep at it no matter what it takes. So, in the spirit of never giving up, I put my running shoes back on an hour ago and ran 3 miles on my treadmill. I refuse to be a quitter. I refuse to be defeated. And the ironic thing is that the run felt great. Does it count as a long run if there is an 8 hour break in the middle?

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