Last Long Run

Today's run was an uneventful one. I drove out to a park on the other side of town and ran around the golf course and through the paved trails. I waved to other runners, walkers, and cyclists. I dodged flying golf balls. I chased a few squirrels. It was actually quite nice. And I enjoyed the change of scenery.

I ran 8 miles, give or take. My garmin kept loosing it's signal with all the trees. It felt infinitely better than my last 8 mile run. At no point did I feel like I was going to die, and I didn't want to quit. Mostly I just wanted to get it over with so I could get on to other things.

You see. Running is time consuming. I got up at 8:30, ate breakfast and did my pre-run rituals. I drove to the park and ran. I stretched and did my post-run rituals. I drove home. I took a much needed shower, and ate lunch. It is now 1:00. That is 4 1/2 hours of my only "weekend" day this week taken up by running.

I feel like running has taken over my life. Wait. I can't even say that. I don't even feel like I have a life to be take over any more. All I do is eat, sleep, and breathe running.

I've even started dreaming about it.

I used to do things. With real people. That could talk to me. I used to go to my parent's house for dinner almost every Sunday night. I used to have an incredibly sweet boyfriend that I saw on a regular basis. I used to read. A lot. I used to scrapbook. I used to clean my house. I even used to get my hair cut on a regular basis and remember to shave my legs.

But, I no longer do those things.

Since I started training in January, all I have managed to get done are the bare essentials. I pay the bills, buy the groceries, and do the laundry. I only remember to feed the cat because he yells at me if I don't. And I have no idea how my house plants are still alive because they only get watered once they begin to droop.

My mp3 player and my garmin are my two new best friends.

Ibuprofen is running a close third.

I only see my parents when they stop by my house to do some laundry, check their e-mail, or mow my lawn. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, for mowing my lawn. My dad is my biggest hero right now. I thought the coming of spring was going to reduce me to tears with the thought of added outside chores, but I haven't mowed my lawn even once thanks to my dad!

I still have the boyfriend, and he is still sweet, but I'm lucky that I even remember what he looks like for as often as I see him.

I need a break. Not from the running, per se. I like the running, but from the schedule. From trying to fit the running into an already too tight schedule and from feeling guilty when I don't.

I am so thankful that today was the last long run before Indy. Next week is total taper, and it is going to be cake. My head is spinning just thinking about all the things I could do with my extra time.

After Indy, I am going to take a much needed break. Re-group, and then start training for Chicago. I know I'll be ready by then. I just need a breather. Plus, I know it will be a little easier now that I'm no longer working that second job.

Sorry for the whining. But quoting a fellow blogger from yesterday, "It's my blog and I'll whine if I want to."

Wanna Take a Guess?

I thought this might be fun. Someone sent me an e-mail this afternoon predicting how long it would take me to complete the half marathon on May 6th. Does anyone else want to offer a guess?

Here is a recap of my last few longer runs:

According to my Garmin, it took me...

2 hours, 44 minutes, and 20 seconds to run 13.1 miles on April 20 - Average 12:33 min/mile

1 hour, 22 minutes, and 47 seconds to run 7.0 miles on April 14 - Average 11:53 min/mile

1 hour, 52 minutes, and 26 seconds to run 10.0 miles on April 8 - Average 11:15 min/mile

1 hour, 44 minutes, and 27 seconds to run 9.0 miles on March 30 - Average 11:36 min/mile

Put in your guesses and I'll post who picked the closest after the race!

Lone Runner

When I was a child, I never played sports. No little league baseball, no jr. high basketball, no high school soccer. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I dreaded gym like it was a trip to the dentist. And avoided participating in those neighborhood dodgeball games like they were the plague.

Call it spoiled only child syndrome. Blame it on the fact that I am an over achiever. Reduce it to the fact that I have a high level of guilt if I let people down. Admit that I was not an overly graceful kid (or adult!). Dwell on the fact that I got yelled at by one too many gym classmates for missing the ball. But team sports has never really been my thing.

I never wanted the weight of knowing that a bunch of other people were depending on my actions for success. And I also didn't want my accomplishments hindered by someone else's lack of preparation. So, I have always avoided team efforts as much as possible.

I think that is a large part of what has drawn me to running over the years. It requires nothing more than you and the road. No one for you to let down, no one to make demands of you, no one to disappoint if your own performance isn't quite up to par.

I have always been a lone runner, and I tend to prefer it that way. I have a hard time running with other people. Mainly because I am a slow runner, and therefore, have a hard time keeping up with them. I feel like I have to keep running at their pace instead of listening to my body and slowing down and speeding up accordingly. And I certainly have never mastered the whole talking and running thing. Usually, the only time I can successfully run with someone else is when we both just plug in the earphones, and off we go. And the runner has to be content to waddle along at my dreadfully slow pace.

On the downside of that, there isn't anyone there to share the highs with. No one to turn to and high five when you just ran your fastest mile ever. No teammates to congratulate you when you just finished your longest distance ever. There also isn't anyone to share the lows with. No one to remind you of why you love it on the days that you didn't make your desired distance. No one to brush off the dust when you missed your intended time. And in that regard, running feels lonely.

And that is where this journal comes in. It is a place for me to record my highs and lows. A place for me to share my experiences with others, even if most of you don't "get it." There are a handful of people that I know read this religiously, and to you I say a huge, huge thank you! In a lot of ways you are what keeps me going. Some days I only get out and run because I know you are expecting to be reading my entries. Some times the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I am loved even when I fail. Some times it is your posts that remind me just why I am doing this. They remind me that Matthew can't give up on his fight against his leukemia, and therefore, I will NOT give up on mine.

I want to say thank you to everyone who keeps encouraging me, who signs my guestbook, leaves me comments, writes me emails, says kind words to me. I read every single one of them. And they mean a lot. A comment from someone actually brought me to tears last night. The wife of one of my old high school teachers wrote to me and said back when I was a student, her husband had said that I would succeed at whatever I set my mind on. What an unbelievably kind thing to say, and of a high school student none the less. So, thank you so much for all the encouragement. You are both my cheering section and my teammates!

Not So Long!

Ut Oh! I received my TNT Singlet today, and it isn't so long. I was so hoping that it was going to be long enough to cover my wobbling cellulite and jiggling thighs if I ran in my spandex shorts. Nancy burst my bubble a few weeks ago by pointing out that it is going to be too hot to wear my much loved running pants. But, I was holding on to a thread of hope that the singlet was going to be long. Like down to my knees long. Like little kid wearing their parent's shirt long. Like cover my butt long. Ugh!

Today was Mentor training day, and it got me pretty excited for the next season. I'm really looking forward to tackling the training for the full marathon and helping others to reach their fundraising and training goals, as well. And I've already meet the honored hero, as he knows Matthew and was at the last team social. I'm excited to get to know him and his family better. As it turns out his mom grew up in the same town as my parents and even graduated from the same high school as them. Small world!

Twelve days and counting. I'm getting so excited. 35,000 people running this thing. Wow! I can't quite wrap my mind around that. And I really can't wrap my mind around the fact that I am probably going to be exposing my jiggles to them, along with a jillion spectators, with cameras, none the less. Boy oh boy. Is there time to lose 20 lbs between now and then?!? Fundraising: $25 donated - Thanks Bill!

Motivated by Matthew

Someone left a comment on my last post regarding the definition of a runner, and it got me thinking.

It was basically a two part definition. The first part being that to be a runner you have to dedicate time to running. Ok, I'm with you there. The second part, stated that as a result he/she improves her endurance. Whoa, wait a minute. Back up.

Here's the issue. I don't believe that all runners are created equal, so to speak. I believe that there are essentially two type of runners. I'll call them "exercise" runners and "challenge" runners.

The "exercise" runners, run for, yup you guessed it, .... exercise. They are perfectly content to go out and run a few miles a few times a week to stay healthy and in shape. They have no concerns about improving their speeds, increasing their mileage, beating their PRs, training for events, or building endurance. They run because it is a fast and easy form of exercise.

Then you have the other type. The crazy ones. The ones like me. You see, for me running is not exercise. Sure, I burn some calories doing it. Ok maybe a lot of calories. Something like 100 per mile. But that is of no concern to me. What matters to me is that two days ago I ran 13.1 miles for the first time ever. And today I just ran my fastest 3 miles ever. And tomorrow or the next day, I will reach yet another accomplishment. I run for the challenge of seeing how far I can go. But not everyone does, therefore, I can not convince myself that to be a runner you have to improve your endurance.

Anyway, onto ramblings of a different topic.

The half marathon is two weeks from today. I have to admit that Thursday's run made all the difference in the world for me. I went from being terrified, to being excited, because now I'm sure I can do it. Because, hey, I already did!

To motivate us on race day, our honored hero Matthew made us charms to wear. It is pictured below attached to my Garmin. It is a little red heart with an M on it.



















Today was the first day I ran with it on there, and it must have worked because I had an incredible run. So, thanks Matthew!

I set out to run 3 miles, and I wanted to try to pick up the speed a little bit since my last run was so slow.

I actually ran my fastest 3 miles ever, at 30 minutes and 5 seconds. I was trying for under 30 minutes, but didn't quite make it. I shouldn't have stopped for that car! If I'd have know it was going to be so close I would have made them wait for me to cross the road first! It was still an incredible run and 10:00 minute miles are pretty darn fast for me! Look out Indy, here I come!

But, don't be expecting any 10 minute miles, 13.1 miles is a little harder than 3!

13.1 or Die Trying

Webster's Dictionary defines a runner as follows:

runner n. 1. a person, animal, or thing that runs (there are actually 14 definitions, but this is the one that applies in this instance)

To me, that doesn't seem quite adequate. If someone runs from their car to the store entrance when it is raining, are they a runner? If a person runs only when being chased, are they a runner? If someone runs only once a year, are they a runner? How about once a month? Once a week? If someone runs only .5 mile every time they go out, are they a runner? How about 1 mile? 2 miles? Just were do you draw the line? Just when has someone earned the title? Because, believe me, it is something that you earn.

My definition of a runner has always been a little different.

runner n. 1. a person who runs easily, who's body is propelled forward by the steady rhythm of his/her arms and legs pumping, while the mind remains free to wander

In the back of my mind, I would become a "real" runner when it came easily to me. When I could run effortlessly, leaving my mind free to wander where it would. But now I have a new dilemma. How long does it have to remain effortless? How long does the body have to be free of pain allowing the mind to, in turn, be free?

I made it 5 wonderfully effortless miles today before the pain began to drag my mind away from it's blissful meanderings and musings. So the big question is, am I a runner yet? I think I have finally decided that I am.

The long runs have been intimidating me recently. The miles keep going up and it keeps getting more and more daunting. Today's run had me completely terrified. Why, you ask? Because I am afraid of failure. I do not like to fail. I realize that no one likes it, but I am quite certain that my fear is outside the realm of what is considered normal. This fear leaves me two choices: avoid things that I have never done before or never give up until I conquer my goal. Luckily, I am just stubborn enough not to quit. So, today I set out to run 13.1 miles or die trying. I knew that I had to do it. Mentally I had to run the whole 13.1 miles once before the half marathon or it was going to get the better of me. And I also knew that I couldn't quit for any reason, under any circumstances, once I set out to do it. If I did, then I'd be toast. It would be over. The fears would get me on race day and I'd crash and burn. The comfort that comes from knowing you have made it that distance before is indescribable, and I needed that going into the half marathon. Doing something for the second time is unbelievably easier than doing it for the first.

So, I just ran 13.1 miles. WOO HOO! YIPEE! YEAH! The first 5 miles were heaven. I found a rhythm early on and it felt great. It was a slow rhythm, but a rhythm never the less. My friendly shin splint decided to keep my left leg company during most of mile 3, which really slowed me down, but I still felt great. The mileage snuck up on me and I didn't get back for water as quickly as I had intended. I turned back at mile 6, but still had about two miles to my house. Miles 6 & 7 weren't a lot of fun, but I refueled and was good again for miles 8, 9, & 10. I looped back around for more water and then took off again for the last 3.1 miles. Miles 11 & 12 were tough, but I made it out of pure determination. I pretty much stumbled through the first half of mile 13, and I'm not sure you can call what I did for the last .6 miles running. It probably resembled more of a stumbling, hobbling, limp, but whatever. I did it!!!!!!!!!! 13.1, baby! WOO HOO!

The last mile I kept swearing that I was done. I was coming home taking off my shoes and quitting. Mentally, it was one of the hardest runs I've ever done, because there was no option to quit. I literally was going to keep myself running for 13.1 miles or fall over trying, and it took a lot out of me. The last mile was filled with thoughts of how crazy I am do be doing this, of wanting to quit, and of wondering why I just signed up to run Chicago.

I could barely stand up when I finished, so I crawled inside, stretched, ate, and hobbled off to take a shower, and now that I have forgotten the pain, I am back to thinking that I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Or I would if I could actually walk right now.

Here are the splits. This probably means more to me than to anyone else. I just want them recorded so I can compare them to the run in Indy.

mile 01 12:16
mile 02 12:14
mile 03 13:50 (thanks to the shin splint)
mile 04 11:49
mile 05 12:54 (no idea what happened)
mile 06 12:11
mile 07 15:09 (I really needed water)
mile 08 11:34
mile 09 12:31
mile 10 11:50
mile 11 12:01
mile 12 12:10
mile 13 12:33
mile .1 01:13

Total time 2 hours, 44 minutes, and 20 seconds. That's a long time to run! When I signed up for the half marathon, I had to estimate my time to finish. I guessed 2 hours and 50 minutes. It may have been a pretty good estimate based on today's performance. My only goal is to finish the race. I intend on taking it slow and easy and stopping at all the water stops.

That was my last long run before Indy. Next week the longest distance is only 8 miles. (Did I really just use "only" and "8 miles" in the same sentence?) The goal from here on out is to taper my mileage, and start the carb loading. Anyone wanna go out for pasta?!?!

I've removed the TNT Chorus from the side bar. Windows recently had an update that is now causing a problem with it loading. So, until I figure out how to get around that it was easier to just remove it.

Scary Stuff

Today's run was an uneventful 4 miles on the treadmill while I finally got around to watching the second half of The Waterboy. That only took the first half of the run, so I watched the beginning of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, also. I haven't been on the treadmill in a while, and I really didn't find it too enjoyable. For some reason, I always run much slower on the treadmill and it always take longer. It took me just under an hour to run the 4 miles. I keep trying to figure out why and I just can't seem to reason it out. When I run outside, I do try to push off more to help propel myself forward, but I don't see how that can account for a 2 - 3 minute per mile pace difference.

Thursday's run is 12 miles, and I'm starting to get nervous. Or scared out of my mind might be a more appropriate description. After I crashed and burned on 11 miles last week I have myself psyched out. I'm afraid I won't make it. I keep trying to think back to the 10 mile run that felt so good. But I supposed that is part of what scares me, how one run can feel so great and the next could feel so horrible. What happens if the half-marathon day is one of those horrible ones? Am I mentally ready to run through 13.1 miles of pain and misery if it ends up being a bad run?

To top it off, I signed up to run the Chicago Marathon today. I'm worrying about 12 miles, and I just signed up to run 26.2! What is wrong with me? Wait.....don't answer that!