The One Where I Ask For Your Support

In a few short days, weeks, or months (depending on how ambitious I am) a letter from me is probably going to show up in your mailbox or inbox. The letter is probably going to be filled with a lot of facts and statistics about blood cancers, and the people they affect. It's probably going to contain the story of someone who has had to fight for his life against one of these cancers. And it is definitely going to ask you to consider donating money to The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in support of my participation in the Nike Women's Marathon with Team in Training. When you receive it, I sincerely hope that you will take the time to read it, and consider donating to this extremely worthwhile cause.

However, today I want to talk about something else. I want to ask you to consider making a donation in support of this organization for a very different, and extremely personal, reason. And again, I hope you will take the time to read what I am about to write, and consider supporting me.


Growing up I was a dork. I was tall and skinny and awkward, without an ounce of coordination.  Gym class was my worst nightmare.  I never participated in team sports, never played little league.  I considered it a good day if I made it down a flight of stairs without tripping.  My body, in all its awkwardness, was something that I saw as separate from myself.  It let me down.  It embarrassed me.  It and I - we weren't friends.  I hated it, and thought it hated me.

Until the day I found running.

All of a sudden, my too long, too skinny, too awkward legs were actually good at something.  Imagine that.

Even though I had finally found something athletic that my uncoordinated body could do, and do well, I still shied away from actively doing it. Every year I thought about trying out for the track team. Every year I chickened out. By then I had already built up too many fears of failing at physical activities and had too many preconceived ideas about my capabilities and my limitations that I wasn't able to overcome.

So I sat on the sidelines and watch one of my best friends race, while I longingly looked on.

It wasn't until the day in January 2006, when I was sitting in the Team in Training information meeting, that I FINALLY found the guts to attempt to overcome my fears and put my capabilities to the test.  I signed up to fundraise for LLS through TNT and to run the Indianapolis Half Marathon, and my life has never been the same since.

Let me repeat that... my life has never been the same since.

During the months that I trained for my half marathon, my body and I forged a truce. I forgave it for past grievances and it showed me that it didn't really hate me. No matter how hard I pushed it while training, it never let me down. It never embarrassed me. And all of a sudden I started to see it, and myself, in a whole new light. Instead of looking at something physical and instantly thinking, "I could never do that!" I started to wonder if I could.  I started to think that if I had been wrong about my athletic abilities, then maybe I was wrong about some of my other self-imposed limitations, too.

Crossing the finish line of the Indianapolis Half Marathon was literally the proudest moment of my life. Training for that race was the hardest thing I have ever done, and finishing it is my greatest accomplishment.  That race medal is one of my most prized possessions.  The entire experience taught me not to sell myself short, not to decide I can't do something before I try it, and that I am capable of more than I ever imagined possible. It gave me the self-confidence and self-worth to walk off that race track and meet life head on.  Somewhere along the path to finishing that race, I lost the paralyzing fear of failure that had dictated so much of my life before it.

So here I am, asking you to support me by supporting something that matters a great deal to me.  I am asking you to consider making a donation to an organization that not only gives a ton to the patients it is designed to help, but also to the people who volunteer to participate in it.   I owe the most rewarding and life altering experience of my life to The Lymphoma and Leukemia Society and Team in Training, for without them I would still be the same awkward, gangly kid afraid of trying new things, taking on new challenges, and testing my limits.  And, quite frankly, that is something that is impossible to repay, but with your help perhaps I can try.

The Hair is Always the First to Go

Running used to always dictate my hairstyle.  A trip to the hair stylist usually went something like this...

Stylist: What are we doing with your hair today?
Me: I don't care as long as it still fits into a ponytail.

Luckily, my hair is already ponytail length.  However, a couple of months ago I paid a ridiculous amount of money to have a brazilian blowout and an even more ridiculous amount of money on shampoo and conditioner to help maintain said brazilian blow out, with strict instructions to only wash my hair as often as absolutely necessary - preferable every 3-4 days.  Yeah. Right. 36 hours is about my max and even that's pushing it, but I've been trying for the sake of maintaining my straighter and less frizzy hair. Since I started training, there are many days where I'm taking two showers, and there is NO WAY that I can not wash my hair after it's been dripping sweat. So, I'm in a daily state of depression as I watch that expensive shampoo and conditioner run down the drain. I think my brazilian blowout days are numbered. The hair is always the first to go, I tell you.

Oh, what's that you say? You came here to read about my training runs and NOT my hair woes?

OK, then. Let me get right to that:

Today's run was one of my last 2 milers. Other than being a bit sore from last night's run and feeling stiff and creaky starting out, the run was fine. I'm honestly stunned at how easily I've slipped back into the running groove. At one point, I realized that my mind had been aimlessly drifting for a while and when I came back to reality I wasn't 100% sure if I'd missed my turn or not. That's sort of a big deal since I've lived in this neighborhood less than a year and I'm only familiar with a handful of main streets plus the few adjacent to the one I live on. Getting lost in the dark would kinda suck.

Splits:
Mile 1 12:28
Mile 2 12:10

I'd also like to state for the record that I'm a freaking genius. Remember when I said that I needed to find a local running store? For someone reason I had it stuck in my head that I needed to find a non-chain local running store. I guess because that is where I shopped before we moved. So, yesterday I was sitting outside on my lunch hour and I happened to look up and what did I spy? The HUGE Dick's Sporting Goods across the parking lot from the office that I've worked at for almost a year.  DUH!  So, I ran over and bought myself a few new running goodies! I'm once again in possession of some body glide, and I also decided to buy a new handheld water bottle/cell phone holder. It's getting close to the point where I'm going to have to start taking water on my runs and I've pretty much hated my fuel belt since I first bought it. Eventually I'm going to have no choice but to use the damn thing, but at least for now I can get away with carrying just a single bottle of water. And I really need to face the fact that for safely reasons, I need to be carrying my cell phone when I run at night or on long runs that take me farther from home. So, hopefully this new holder thing will work out and solve both issues at once.

And last, but certainly not least, I've been invited to run the Flagstaff Half Marathon with an acquantiance. She's already signed up and is looking for someone to run it with her. Training-wise, it would actually fit in really well for me, it is a trail race - which I've never done before and always wanted to try, and the cost isn't too insane.  However, it falls the day before my birthday so I'm not positive if that's how I want to bring in the last year of my 30's.  Plus the website for the race describes it as, "the most scenic and difficult marathon in the Southwest" and quite frankly I find that just a wee little bit intimidating.  I'm leaning towards signing up, but I'm going to let it settle for a few days before I commit.

Phew, that was a long one.  If you made it all the way to the end with me, thanks for sticking it out!

First Three Miler... Check and Mark!

And man does it feel good!

I don't know what it is about 3 miles that makes it feel like such a milestone, but it definitely does.  When I stop and think about it, it makes absolutely no sense.  I mean really.  3 miles?  It's nothing.  Baby steps on the way to 26.2.  But right now I feel like I just climbed the Mt. Everest of running.  I am queen of the mountain.  Hear me roar.

A-hem. Anyway. Moving on.

I was supposed to run my 3 mile "long run" on Saturday and then run 2 miles on Sunday, but sadly I didn't do either. An unexpected 4 days off in a row resulted in a last minute long weekend getaway. And even though I had the best of intentions, those runs just didn't happen.  As any runner will tell you, you can't skip the long runs no. matter. what. so even though it was only 3 miles, I had to get my butt out there and get them in ASAP!

If I'm going for full disclosure, I have to admit that I was dreading the run.  Three days of not running combined with tired legs from walking so much combined with LOTS of bad food and drink choices on my trip on top of having to run after working all day and then attending a little Memorial Day dinner with some friends had me expecting the worst.  So, I was pleasantly surprised when the run actually felt great, especially when I got to the end of the 3 miles and realized I could have eeked out another mile or so.  I'm not gonna lie.  I was so ready to be done.  But I could have kept going if I'd had to.

My knees, on the other hand, don't feel quite as good about the experience as I do and both are currently screaming at me.  But, it's a pounding the pavement kind of screaming and not an old injury rearing its ugly head kind of screaming.  I'm not sure I can really explain the difference, but trust me, I can definitely feel the difference. Just one more reason to start shopping for a new treadmill.  The less miles on the pavement, the better.

Splits:
Mile 1 11:36
Mile 2 11:39
Mile 3 12:03

Now, to just squeeze in those other 2 miles this week and I'll be back on track.  In the past, I could have gotten away with just letting them go but with where I'm starting I really can't afford to skip any of my training runs.  I have a feeling this week is going to kick my butt by the time time it's all said and done.

Running Week in Review

I'm once again playing catch up on this week's runs. It's nice having them recorded so I can look back and be reminded of my progress.  At the same time it seems rather silly to write individual blog posts for such short runs, so this seems to work best for now.

Sunday
This was my last 1 miler.  By the time I worked all day and shot an evening photo session, I was just plain exhausted.  I knew once I stopped moving I was going to crash, so as soon as I got home got my butt out the door.  The silver lining of having to run on busy days is that I'm motivated to run faster just to get it done.

Split:
Mile 1 10:48

Tuesday
Tuesdays start a new training week (well technically Mondays do, but they are rest days), which means increased miles.  It is also the only day where my runs falls on a full work day.  In my world this is a bad combo because I'm usually lacking in motivation after work, and today was no exception.  It took me until 9:30 PM to convince myself to lace up my shoes and hit the road, but I finally managed to crank out the 2 miles on the schedule.  Surprisingly, once I got going the run felt pretty good, and I felt like I could have kept going.

Splits:
Mile 1 11:29
Mile 2 11:40

Thursday
Today's run just. plain. sucked.  I had to get up and run first thing to fit it in before I head out of town later today.  I still have to pack and get the house picked up so it's not a mess for my friend who will be staying with our dogs.  With so much still left to do, I knew if I put the run off I wouldn't get to it.

Saying I'm not a morning person is a bit of an understatement and my body wanted nothing to do with running so early.  I felt like my legs were made of cement during the first mile, and by the second I was tired of the heat and the sun.  I really wanted to quit halfway in, but didn't.  By now I know I have two choices: suffer through the run, and spend the rest of the day guilt free OR quit the run and suffer through the guilt the rest of the day, and possibly longer.  Suffering through the run is almost always the less painful of the two options.  So, after reminding myself of that little lesson learned the hard way many times over, I just gritted my teeth and got through it.

Splits:
Mile 1 12:26 (no. that's not a typo.)
Mile 2 11:43

In other super exciting news, I desperately need to find a nearby running store.  It's getting close to the point where I need to reacquaint myself with my old friend, body glide, and I am in some serious need of new running clothes!  This mornings run also bumped up "buy a new treadmill" several places on my to do list.  I've seriously lost my mind deciding to start training just as we enter the insanely hot Phoenix summer, and I need to have an alternative to running outside mid-day.

Memories

I'm finding myself in an odd place as I walk back through a door that I thought I'd firmly closed behind me forever.  I'm reconnecting with old friends and acquaintances from my running days, and stirring up lots of good memories.  In many ways it feels like those days just happened, and I have to keep reminding myself that it has been 6 or 7 years since I've spoken to some of them.  In other ways it feels like several lifetimes have passed, and I can't believe that so many things are still the same.

Last night while I was out running, I was wishing that I knew someone to train with on Tuesdays.  Finding the motivation to run after work has always been difficult for me, and knowing that someone else is counting on me to show up is a huge help.  I found myself reminiscing about the midweek runs with my old training partner who I met when I ran with TNT the first time.  I decided to look him up on Facebook today, only to find out that he ran the Chicago Marathon last year and is thinking about doing another charity run again soon, too.  I was so excited to hear that he had resumed running again and had completed a marathon.

I'm anxious to meet the members of the Team in Training group for this season. Unfortunately all of the events seem to be falling on days when I'm at work or otherwise already committed, so I haven't had the opportunity to join in as of yet.  Fingers crossed that once I do, I will connect with a few fellow trainees and I can begin making some new memories with the people I meet along this journey.

Testing... Testing... Is This Thing On?

Can anybody hear me?

I've been wandering about the running blog world, checking in on all of my old favorite RBFers and I am so sad to see that almost all of them have either abandoned their blogs or simply deleted them all together.  The few that are still hanging on seem to be doing so by a thin thread, with posts every few months if even then.

Well, what did you expect?  It's been six years!

I know. I know. I guess I just wanted to live in a dream world where I was going to return to running and all of my old online running friends were going to be there waiting to welcome me back in with open arms.

Yes. Ridiculous. I know.

People change. Things change. Times change. It's the way of the world.

That doesn't mean I have to like it.

I was so used to belonging to part of an supportive online running community that since returning I sort of feel like I've been talking to myself. Not like that's new or anything.  And the realization is settling in that I'm going to have to dig in and do the work to connect with some new online runners and establish a new network and support system of other runners who also suffer from this same form of insanity that I do.

Wind Cave Trail Hike

I hiked The Usery Mountain Wind Cave Trail on Saturday. It's a 3.2 mile hike, with a 800 ft elevation gain. And it just about killed me.

I honestly don't love hiking. It's not that I don't think I could get into hiking, per se. I'm just so darn out of shape right now that the climbing just about does me in. By the time I get to the top of the trail I'm gasping for breath and my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. Says the girl who just signed up to run a marathon in the hilliest place on the planet.

I do think the hiking is great cross training, and I'd like to continue to hike regularly, I just wish I could find some hikes close to home that are more of a beginner level so I didn't feel like I'm about to die every time I go. 

In other news, I received my first donation yesterday! YIPPEE! Fundraising: $100 donated - Thanks, Lisa!! :)