Mornings Are Evil

Scene: Christmas Morning, 5 AM, Runnergirl Age 12, My Bedroom

Dad, opening bedroom door. And singing (in most horrible high pitch screeching voice imaginable) "Deck the Halls..."

Me,"Grrrr", as I put the pillow over my head.

Dad, "with boughs of holly."

Me, "Go Away!"

Dad,"Fa La La...", as he flicks on the light.

Me, "DAD! Turn off the light! Go Away! And STOP SINGING!"

Dad, "La La La La La La. Get Up!! Time to go to grandma's."

Me, "NO! 10 more minutes!"

Fast forward 10 minutes. Repeat sequence.


Scene: Any morning, getting ready for school, Runnergirl grades 9 - 12, 6 AM, the ONLY bathroom in the house.

Me, stumbling into bathroom, squinting as to avoid being blinded by light.

Mom, "Good Morning."

Me, "Whatever."

Mom, "What are you plans for tonight?"

Me, "Grrr."

Mom, "Do you know what time you will be home?"

Me, "NO!"

Mom, "What do you want for dinner?"

Me, "Do we have to talk about this now?"

Mom, " I was thinking that maybe this weekend........."

Me, "MOM! Why do you do this every morning? Can't you let me wake up in peace!?!? I wish we had another bathroom!"

Turn on water and slam shower door, escaping further argument.


Scene: Yesterday Morning, 7:15 AM, Runnergirl Age (HA! Like I am going to tell you!), Boyfriend's Bathroom

Me, stumbling out of bed and into bathroom, where boyfriend is talking on the phone/getting ready for work.

I simultaneously squint at the glaringly bright light out of one eye and scowl at Boyfriend, as he is cause of said light.

He hangs up the phone and starts singing to me, "You are my sunshine.."

Me, "Shut Up"

"...my only sunshine..."

Me, "Seriously, Shut Up!"

"You aren't being very nice."

Me, "Whatever. Just Shut Up."

I brush my teeth, pull up my hair, and leave his his house with one backwards glare.

Cursing the sun the whole drive home.

I don't know if Boyfriend is still speaking to me.

I may have to do some serious begging for forgiveness.

I wish I could say it was because I'm still sick, but I feel much better. The truth is I'm just horrible to be around in the AM.

My brain doesn't gain control of my mouth until I have been awake for at least 30 minutes. Before then, there is no filter. Whatever I think just comes out.

This is not a good thing.


Scene: this morning, 6:30 AM, My Bedrooom

Alarm starts blaring.

Me, "Ooy." Snooze.

Me, thinking..."snooze means it'll go off in 7 more minutes. We can't have that. Shut it off. Reset it for an hour."

I drug myself out of bed 30 minutes later and put on my running clothes. I laced up my shoes and hit the pavement.

And managed to complete my first decent run since I got back to my training.

It was perfect. Not too hot. And I don't think my mind or body was actually awake enough to register any pain.

I may continue to fool it for a while until it catches on to my plan.

So, I am joining the dark side. Morning runs here I come.

However, I suggest no one speaks to me until I'm finished and my filter is firmly in place for the day!

Knee News

As I have mentioned, my right knee has been bothering me since before I ran Indy. I took 3 weeks off after the race, hoping to give it a break, and come back pain free.

But, no such luck.

When I started back 3 weeks ago, my knee was hurting worse than ever and I was pretty concerned about it. So, I made a doctor's appointment to have it checked out.

That first week, it pretty much hurt non-stop.......except for when I ran. The only time it felt comfortable and "normal" was while I was running.

Explain that one to me!!

But, I am very happy to report that for the past 5 days it seems to be feeling better. It still hurts for a while after I finish running, but after a few hours it feels normal again.

The appointment is tomorrow, so I guess I'll see what she has to say. It is with my primary care practitioner, so I'm pretty much expecting an "I don't know" and a referral to an orthopedic specialist.

So, for now, I'm just going to keep on running.

Until someone tells me not to.

Then I'll stop.


Maybe.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The good: I'm getting sick.

The bad: I'm getting sick.

The ugly: I'm getting sick.

Good because it explains why running has sucked so much.

Bad because.....well duh.

Ugly because when I get sick I don't sleep well. When I don't sleep well I turn into a huge horrible crab and no one can stand to be around me. So I fear that my friends and family will be fleeing my presence very soon. Not to return until I can successfully breathe through my nose again.

Why oh why does this always happen to me? Just when I get started again a sick bug has to slow me down.

The running gods hate me.

I fear it is punishment for past sins.

I must find a way to repent.

Remind Me Why!

Disclaimer: If you care to join me for my pity party, read on..... If you aren't up for some good old fashion whining, then I suggest you skip this post.

Will someone please remind me why I am doing this?!?!

I have been back at my running for a little over 2 weeks now. And it has done nothing but suck since I started training again!

Why did I take 3 weeks off? Why oh why was I so stupid?

I thought I had good reasons. Really. Honest. I did!

Mentally I felt I needed the break, and I was trying to give my knee some rest time. But I am regretting it so much now. I feel like I have lost so much ground. Every run since I've been back has been slow, and hard, and miserable.

My lungs hurt. My legs hurt. My mind hurts from the thought of 4 1/2 months of this!

Yesterday was "long run" day. I only set out to go 6 miles. Hah.

I made it 4 and felt like I was going to die. May 6 was barely more than a month ago. Did I actually make it 13.1 miles a month ago? And feel good about it? Did I imagine that entire race?

This morning was the first group training session for TNT. So, I got up at the crack of dawn to be there by 7:00 AM. And we all know how much this runnergirl loves the AM as stated here and here.

So, I get to the training 30 minutes early because I am anal retentive and wanted to be on time, and wasn't positive that I knew where I was going. I'm sitting in my car waiting on everyone else listening to Dave Matthews (whom I saw in concert last Saturday night - Awesome!) and it starts drizzling. Great. The longer I sit, the harder it rains.

By the time Coach Mike and everyone else get there it is pretty much a down pour. We went to a pavilion in the park to cover the first training basics and get to know each other a little, etc, etc.

Then we break up to go run. I set off with Coach Mike for a run of undetermined length. It was my 5th day in a row of running and I was just plain tired. Technically today was supposed to be an off day for me, so I was just gonna play it by ear.

I was talking to Mike and quickly getting out of breath. I was trying to keep up a steady pace and not bounce around like I normally do. I'm kind of a wimp, so when I run on my own I slow down and speed up quite a bit as I get tired, and recover. I didn't want to keep changing pace on Mike so I tried to keep constant. We keep running and I keep getting more and more tired. Mike was letting me set the pace, but I felt like I was running a lot faster than normal.

We neared the end of the 2 mile loop, and I felt like I was going to pass out. It was down pouring, water was running off my hat, my glasses were fogging up, and my legs felt like spaghetti. I told Mike I was bailing on him, and jogged off to my car. I stretched and got in for the drive home.

Before I took off, I looked at my Garmin, fully expecting to see a 9:45 min/mile pace because it felt SOOO much faster than my normal 11:00 min/mile.

Hah.

Fooled again. We ran both miles at an average pace of 10:30.

Can running make you insane?

I swear we were running faster than that! And I really think I ran 13.1 miles on May 6.

But then again, maybe I've just lost my mind.

Please, oh please, someone make it get better!

Pure Bliss

So, have you seen the movie "What Women Want"? The ad that they are making for Nike very much describes how I feel about running at night. "No Games, Just Sports." Yep, you got it.

There is just something different about running at night. Something that I never seem to find during the day. I don't know exactly why the difference. Is it simply the darkness? Is it the coolness? Or is it something else? I've never figured it out.

When I began running with any regularity, I lived in Mississippi. It was hot, and horribly humid, and the only time I was comfortable to run was at midnight. So I spent the majority of my time there running in the middle of the night. Which was rarely a problem, because I was in school and sleeping was something that other people did. I was always up at all hours studying anyway, and the running just served as a study break.

So, that started my long lasting love affair with night running.

My night runs are never planned. They are never part of "the schedule" for that would ruin them completely. They are never about the guilt of making up for a missed run. They are spontaneous, spur of the moment runs simply because the impulse strikes.

They aren't about the training or the speed. They aren't about the miles.

NEVER about the miles.

They are about something else entirely. They are about the feel of the night air against my skin. About the feel of the pavement under my feet. About the sound of my breathing in the quiet night air. About the feel of my lungs. About the strain of my muscles.

They are about feeling invisible. About being able to accomplish anything. They are about me.

Ahh........at night.

At night I can fly.

Blogging Block

I am finding myself in a strange place. I feel like I have been at a loss for what to blog about recently, and I don't know why. It is just so unlike me. Normally, you can't shut me up. I am the queen of babble. But the last few weeks, I feel at a loss for words.

You'd think it would have something to do with the running. That maybe I was stuck in a running rut, but I'm not.

I am, however, trying to internalize the changes in my life that have come about from running. Maybe that's it.

I'm trying to figure out exactly what I want out of this whole running experience. I'm trying to decide what I'm willing to give up.

And what I'm not.

I'm trying to figure out what changes need to be made to make running a permanent part of my life. I'm trying to find its place among a life that felt too busy before I started spending hours each week pounding the pavement.

I'm trying to figure out what I need to hold on to and what I can let go of.

I'm also trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am no longer the same person that I was on January 10, 2006, when I walked into that TNT meeting with absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into.

I am forever changed.

Maybe not in ways that are visible externally, but internally I am a different person. I'm trying to come to terms with the "new me". I'm trying to reconcile the old me, with the new one. I'm trying to readjust my opinion of who I am.

I'm trying to make this my new reality.

I am so unbelievably happy with myself, my life, with who I am, with where I am going. But it has taken so much work to get to this place. And so much more work is still ahead to finish this journey. I have never worked so hard for something, nor been so affected by the result of my efforts.

When I was training for Indy, I honestly experienced more dread and fear than anything else.

I dreaded the pain and feared the unknown.

I resented that I was sacrificing so much to my running, but was in love with the sense of accomplishment and new found confidence I was experiencing. I hated some of what I was giving up, but loved what I was becoming.

But, as I am setting out on the next leg of my training I feel differently. I have this overwhelming sense of acceptance regarding the training that is ahead of me. I feel like I am losing my love/hate relationship with running. It is becoming who I am instead of something that I do.

I've come to terms with what it is going to take to get me across the finish line. And I know I'm willing to do the work.

Most of all, I'm no longer scared.

I know I can do it. It's just one foot in front of the other, over and over, mile after mile, week after week, until you cross that finish line. I no longer have doubts. And that is a good feeling. I am confident in the fact that if I do the training, I'll finish the race.

Well, I put some words on the page, so it's a start.

Reality Check

The Chicago Marathon has a time limit. You must finish within 6 hours and 30 minutes of the official start.

Reality #1: I am NOT going to be starting any where near the front of the pack. Therefore 30 of those minutes will probably be taken up just getting to the start line, leaving me 6 hours of running time.

Reality #2: I have read that to get an estimate of your marathon time, you should take your half marathon time times 2 plus 15 minutes. Ok, doing that estimates that I will finish in 5:40:04. Ouch! That's a little too close for comfort in my opinion

Reality #3: Someone needs to light a fire under my butt and get me running faster!! All you runners out there in blogger land....please help! I am open to any and all suggestions on the best way to do some speed training.

There is a local trainer that is hosting speed work training sessions 1 day a week. I plan on attending at least the first few and see what pointers I can pick up.

I have also read that you speed up about 10 seconds per mile for every 10 lbs you lose. Anyone know if there is any truth to this?

On a really good week I'm just under the upper limit of normal for my height and frame. On a really bad week, I'm just over the limit. I could easily lose 20 lbs and still be well within normal for my height. This just might be the motivation I need to kick off those extra pounds.

I can hear the clock beginning it's count down to marathon day in the back of my head.

Tick. Tick. Tick.